Catfished

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)
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  • #538380
    Jay
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Early last week I sent a msg to a ‘female’ member. There were only about 50 miles between us, which was encouraging, we were a similar age and within a day or two we had swapped contact details and begun msging on another app.

    Despite being a member here since May 24, she had no photo or friends on her profile, which isn’t very common but she sent me a few photos pretty much straight away on the other app, which I appreciated. I requested that we make a short video call, or a normal phone call but that never happened despite her working from home. I obviously wanted to make sure she was who she said she was, because frankly, she sounded to good to be true.

    A few more days went by, where we had been msging regularly and sharing a few more photos and we arranged a date to meet up at my place (yesterday). Then, yesterday morning at 5am, she sends a msg saying that two of her tyres have been slashed after she came out of the gym and shes stranded! I replied that I knew it was too good to be true lol

    Haven’t heard from her since, despite the search function showing that they’ve been on the site very recently. I’m not salty about the situation but why do folk waste other people’s time like this?

    #538387
    Ms.Spicy 🌶️
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Massachusetts

    That’s the eternal question right? Some sort of wellness issue I would say. Many people don’t have pictures for privacy reasons. It’s hard to not be jaded tbh. Maybe we should create a double verified group on here for long term ANR only users. You can easily tell the ones who are not genuine people easily because they only share their private platform profiles and then even when you wet them they seem to disappear. It’s a disease and frankly it’s a major waste of time and energy.

    #538394
    Jay
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Going forward, I’m definitely going to INSIST on a phone/video call in future. This person even offered me their whatsapp or telegram contact details and we both agreed to go with telegram, as that did offer some sort of privacy.So frustrating!!!

    #538397
    Ms.Spicy 🌶️
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Massachusetts

    I find that it is better to be fulfilled within oneself. Yes it’s frustrating. I am thinking of starting a wellness chat or check for members. We would need input of course but it seems to be such a sad situation when something like ANR is abused by a few bad members. Just someone to talk to when you are feeling down in this search and journey.

    #538445
    Jay
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    I’ve had someone reach out to me as it sounded to them that they have chatting with the same person and they gave the same username! Despicable behaviour

    #538461
    Michael_Admin
    Keymaster
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Jay, there is much greater risk of this happening if you immediately go off-site and start using Telegram or Kik or whatever to swap messages.

    ABFheaven has perfectly useful voice message/live voice chat functionality to initially get to know someone, safely and anonymously.

    Also, once you go onto another platform, my responsibility as ABFheaven admin re. your safety on this site, ceases immediately.

    The title of your post should have been “I got catfished on Telegram”.

    Furthermore : why “catfished”? Maybe she simply changed her mind. It does happen, you know.

    I’m not downplaying anything, just saying that you might consider your interactions on Telegram are the business of Telegram, not ABFheaven.

    #538466
    Jay
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Sorry Michael, I’m not blaming ABFheaven for this situation. I understand it’s my own fault. You have done a wonderful job of bringing us all together.

    I’ll certainly be making use of the voice chat feature, here, in future.

    #538469
    Ms.Spicy 🌶️
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Massachusetts

    Lots of things could happen and life is unpredictable. Thanks Michael for reminding us of this. Honestly, it’s best to just say I have changed my mind and can’t meet if that’s the case, but us being human we can’t admit fault or don’t want to hurt others by saying you don’t want to meet. But it is better to articulate this than be silent and ghost someone. For some reason, ghosting hurts a lot more because we don’t have closure. The emotional pull is still there tugging at us to make things right somehow… or to get an answer to why someone is silent. But it’s definitely their choice as to how to end things. It hurts a lot though and that’s something we have to get used to in today’s world.

    #538499
    sam
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Unless someone is prepared to have a (brief) telephone conversation with you prior to meeting then the presumption should always be that they are not genuine about meeting, Jay.

    The voice message feature is a very useful (early) method for establishing the basic rudiments. Important for discerning things like the person’s gender etc.

    If anyone makes confident statements about meeting, but is “too shy” or “finds it too awkward” to speak on the phone however then you have to recognise how incongruous that is. You should be realistic that the prospects of actually meeting are very slim. That’s far more likely to be a person indulging their fantasy of talking about ABF.

    There’s nothing inappropriate about requiring a telephone call at the right time, so don’t let anyone persuade you that’s the case. The “right time” isn’t typically early on; it should be mindful of how advanced the conversation is and respectful of the other person’s time. Ultimately however, if a person is truly decided about spending a significant amount of time in very intimate company with you, they can have no reasonable objection to speaking briefly by telephone prior to a meet.

    #538507
    Jay
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Great advice from yourself and Michael!

    #538601
    ✍️Philip❤️‍🔥U♔🦮
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Washington D.C. area

    I’ve encountered this on Facebook a few times (and once wasted time at a Starbucks.) Now, I can smell them and sometimes string them along for my own amusement.

    #538642
    Ben
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    I’ve been boobfished before. But a boob is a boob, had to ask her to take a shower tho 😅.

    Not the first time a girl thought it was okay just to wet wipe their boobs, thinking that’s okay 😱

    #538716
    MAGA100!
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Utah

    From what I understand Telegram is only encrypted if it is activated and you use their encryption, and both people have to be online to activate it.

    Once there is more than 2 people in the chat, it is not encrypted and basically sending a postcard in snail mail.

    #538898
    Ben
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Oh really? That’s a shock

    #538903
    Bella
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Maryland

    People like the chase and allure but when it comes to meeting they get scared or insecure when the rubber meets the road.

    When I first came into the community, I spoke with a guy who talked a good game. Gave all his expectations, what he was looking for, “best suckler”, “fit and handsome”, blah, blah, blah. We talked for hours and days!
    As we began to plan a meeting. We’d meet halfway, grab dinner then have a session.
    Two days before (that was generous), he gave me a sob story his family is more important than nursing. He had an emergency and couldn’t come. MONTHS later he popped in my DMs trying to reconnect. He said he lied because he was scared. Then he tried to shame me for not being sensitive. We did not reconnect!

    Whether you remain on ABFH or chose another platform a flake is a flake and a scammer is a scammer. After being ghosted it makes you move differently. Those who are invested in finding a partner will do voice calls, video chat, and be responsive.

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