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I am wiped and still have three classes worth of homework to do.
Seven chemistry assignments completed, and I could use a real break: a real meal, a great view, or at least a fire and a cup of tea. There are moments like this when I wish someone else were here. Not to rescue me. Not to carry the burden. Just to exist beside me. To remind me, even briefly, to pause. To breathe. To be held for a moment in the middle of building everything.
In front of me, my school computer. To my right, my work computer. On the floor beside me, my cat and dog, each in their claimed places, sleeping. They are used to me working long hours, used to me not always being available. My dog dreams, his paws twitching, and it makes me smile. My cat has claimed his bed and is curled in the center of it. My dog knows better than to challenge that authority.
I am blessed to be loved by them.
…I wish I were blessed by my own man, my own partner, loving me in this moment. I can see it so clearly. Me working at the table. Him coming up behind me, a cup of tea in one hand, his other hand finding the tension in my shoulders as he leans in and kisses the back of my neck.
“Time for a break, love…”
I lean back into him, sipping the tea gratefully, feeling his hands working the tension away. After a few minutes, I ask if we can move to the couch, knowing he deserves comfort too, knowing nurturing goes both ways. I settle into the corner, placing my tea on the table, pulling him close, kissing him gently in quiet gratitude.
It would be so very nice.
Instead, I sit in my office chair, bent over my computer and notebooks, typing.
Sharing. Wishing.
But he is not here.
And still, I continue.
Because I know where I am going.
Complete four to five degrees in four years. Halfway there as of May. I will finish.
Build my business. Share with as many people as possible. Help families create healthier homes and healthier lives. There is something deeply meaningful about helping people make simple changes that protect their health and their environment.
I am building it carefully and intentionally, with the goal of growing it strong enough that its income can be given away—to support the organizations doing the real work of protecting our land and our children: Protect Us Kids Foundation and Ammonoosuc Conservation Trust.
It is bigger than business. It is building something that lasts.
My own home and property, paid in full. A system that sustains itself. A walipini greenhouse growing food year-round—pomegranates, lemons, avocados, mangos, and more. A living space that breathes. A stream and swimming hole, both beautiful and alive, feeding the land and everything on it.
Life, fully lived and fully mine.
This is the life I am building. Brick by brick. Assignment by assignment. Day by day.
Some nights, the work is heavy. Some nights, the quiet is louder than I would like.
But I am still here.
I am still moving forward.
And I am building it.
Building my life.
Building myself.
Absolutely loved every single word. So poetic, so perfect. Well, except for that tea you kept mentioning lol.
In the words of the great Ted Lasso: it’s hot brown garbage water 😂
For someone who bakes, I am surprised at your deprived pallet. Tea is deliciously suitable to any and all moments, depending on the flavor and accessories ingredients.🙂
Sounds like you have a good plan. Take care of yourself do that you can continue to help others.
Luzianne, hot, tsp of honey w/ a splash of milk.😋You have inspired me today: with your words, your commitment to growth, your sense of purpose, and your love for your animals.
Thank you.
I loved everything what you wrote. Was hoping to hear a bit about your love of being nursed “at a time like this”…..lol. But if you didn’t love it, you wouldn’t be here. Loved hearing about your four legged friends giving you moral support. Be well!
Thank you for adding a personal touch to the moral fiber of this community! I applaud you fighting the good fight! Thank you for sharing your strength. I believe that you sweep others along when you do! I love all gardening techniques. Walipini’s are wonderful! … and so productive! I wish you great success, and a rub of the ears to furry friends! God Bless and Godspeed!
I guess ABF does not have a “like” button, but if there was one I would definitely hit it! Great writing. Wishing you achieve all you desire and more.
THank you! I will keep writing! Much appreciated!
Vinman, I intentionally limited, that for this post, because it is far too easy to forget that there is life outside of just suckling, that there is a lot more to ANR. ABF, hey, that would be a perfect post for the lust of breastfeeding, but my clear intention is ANR and I write to that. 🙂 Thanks so much! More to come!
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