To be or not…

I wonder often if I do the right things, as I sit with my tea in hand. The smell of the tea leaf, bergamot, lavender, all combining to search for my peace, when I find it missing from my day-to-day tedium. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, exhale and take a scalding sip. Perfect. A single, perfect moment is that cup of tea. I am not lonely, I am not treading my murky waters of stress, attempting to complete everything in a timely manner, nor am I hoping against all hope for my forever partner.

My breasts ache at my thoughts always, for I am not shallow at all in my imagination. No, I am quite adept at diving deep into my creativity to clearly see what it is I desire, that fuels the embers within me, makes my heart pound and makes me…want.

Sigh…

Another scalding sip as I watch the wisps of steam rise over the rim.

Why do I keep waiting, hoping and feeding into my failure to secure my own person? Why do I weed through so many possibilities only to say no, no, bloody no, again? What is it I need, seek, and will accept nothing less for it?

I think it is the feeling of roots, stability, a home that goes beyond brick and mortar. A true home, where the heart is. Money cannot buy it, but where love is located, it is amazing how much money loves that relationship. I cannot force it either; love comes willingly to those who are patient. Ah…

That is my challenge. Where is my patience?

Another sip, this time not so hot as before. I feel it slide past my lips, over my tongue and down my throat. Mmm…Where his mouth would start…hot does not even begin to describe the steam that would follow…