A Facetiously Lighthearted Call to Community Service

Seeing that Michigan wasn’t a hotbed of adult breastfeeding, nursing and breast care in general, a group of close friends and I decided to right an exceedingly terrible wrong. First we drew-up special fliers and canvassed local businesses to gage their acceptance of the topics at hand. Remarkably interest was through the roof so we entertained their suggestions of reaching-out to areas of commerce throughout the state. Well they LOVED it and we took their absolutely stunning fascination and pleas to hold live seminars, and thought… “why not, let’s do this!” So for the past few months our fearless band of men and women armed with an extremely nurturing creed, have been holding live demonstrations inside larger malls across Michigan!
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Well those businesses were simply overjoyed with the more than quintupled increase in foot traffic and the utterly unique varieties of… “exposure” our merry guild of seasoned practitioners bring! There are all sorts of events for all sorts of interests like pump raffles and bra fittings as well as addressing topics like personal protection, enjoying the bond, inducing with natural supplements, features and longevity of pumps and TENS units, caring for clogged ducts, macromastia, mastitis and so much more.
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Plus there’s a whole slew of autographing, face and body painting, a huge variety of food and drinks made with breast milk, and naturally we offer private consultations with the staff. This by far holds the greatest zeal among visitors for they’re always cueing the length of the mall just to participate! And because these very private and highly personalized sessions can take quite a bit of time to teach proper latching techniques and experience a good flow of oxytocin, etc., the others waiting in line are treated to preliminary “entertainment” and Q&A before their session.
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What’s really interesting though are the ladies who arrive with their spouses that are wanting to learn and bond more deeply. So one of us will be on one breast with the spouse on the other, and the woman will convey to her significant other what we’re doing until the techniques closely match, and every once in a while we learn something as well. Nevertheless this “learning in stereo” approach if you will is really quite novel in this regard achieving 100% satisfaction on the spot for all concerned!
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Even more surprising are the maidens that sent us their unsolicited bosom photos ahead of the event. By the time the women arrive we do a comparative analysis of their live exposure vs our huge cache of photos, and if we can’t guess who they are, they win a weekend-long consultation… for free! Amazingly much of the staff won’t begin to fetch a guess just to provide the assistance these very deserving ladies need. With reservations now booked far in advance, suffice to say we’re really quite busy with hardly a moment to breathe!
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Admittedly there have been a few unforeseen ehhh “circumstances” with newfound devotees “bonding” all the way to the parking lot. Sure there are bystanders staring and commenting but it generates a wealth of healthy curiosity. Insomuch that they invariably make a beeline posthaste to our humble gathering inside. And though we impart safety protocols and even have bumper stickers proclaiming: “Don’t Breastfeed and Drive”, there have been a few relatively… teensy weensy… ehhh minor traffic accidents that occurred. Thankfully no one has been seriously injured and from what we’re told – the police have had many a colorful entry in their ticket books. But it’s all for a worthy cause to embrace, enlighten and bring people together for the insatiably ongoing nirvana. I even have an anxious participant coming all the way from Southern Oklahoma this coming week just to experience many of the splendid facets this devoted lifestyle has to offer!
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So if you’re having a tough time finding that alluring companion for the relationship we crave, get out there and canvass businesses throughout the area in which you live, and hold an educational rally. If you do it right the turnout will be GINORMOUS! And you just might find that very special person, the one you’ve been seeking in your journey, with whom to enjoy life… happily ever after.