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It’s been challenging for me for many years to find someone sincerely interested in ABF. I’ve encountered folks that mis-represent their interests, are dishonest, ghost online, and even in person.
A member local to my area contacted me recently, and we were hitting it off, and had exchanged pictures. We were planning our first date for this last weekend. Without warning, the person’s profile disappeared and they became a “deleted user.”
I just cannot wrap my head around how a person can do that. It is so disrespectful, and so hurtful. It’s a total mind fu$k, and its ramifications bleed into future dating experiences.
Bummer.
I’m truly sorry for your experience. I know it’s easy to say but when something like this happens, we always put blame on our self, when most of the time the problem is somewhere at the other end.
Unfortunately some people don’t care or understand what effect their actions have on others. Please don’t let that deter you from still going after what you want.
I am so sorry you had to encounter that. It sucks when you invest time in someone only for them to disappear or block you. I hope you can recover and still have trust in the men on this site.
People will do terrible things, once you have served their ego. I am sorry you went through this and even more sorry that this is fairly common in the site, even when one has invested a serious amount of time and emotional effort. It is hard to trust because of how flimsy connections are with people online or on the fetish side.
I’m there with you…on the same boat and dealing with the pain of opening up a second time to someone else again recently, who reached out to me to connect but realising once I was open to all they suggested and had shared intimately, that they don’t want a relationship or even a friendship as they are unwilling or cannot make any time at all.
I wonder what the point was of reaching out to me girls? Do they just want our pictures and a racy moment, but then not even to talk? I struggle to understand this. We make time for the things that are important to us, and we all are busy (me especially as a single mom trying to make ends meet and working 18 hr days 7 days a week), but we all can make time here and there for a few messages, voice messages, the odd call and zoom, even if not weekly.
End of the day, this IS meant to be a dating/relationships site is it not? And men complain the find it super hard to find women who are open o this for real, but when they do, they either chicken out or were not really serious about getting to know you even for a friendship? This is why I am doing the blog, I feel we women are not really being seen and understood as the goddesses we once were nor respected.
It is also the reason I am no longer accepting “FRIENDS” here as per my post on this forum a few days ago. I am tired of twice being burned on the same site (I will add last year I met someone else whom I gave up on after similar behaviour). Guys if you just want boob pics or porn, there are porn sites or even chaturbate, but please do not contact us girls with the I want to be friends excuse to get things out of us if you do not intend on having reasonable contact and or want a real friendship and perhaps a relationship. I had this conversation last night and it still hurts me as I had feelings for the guy in question. I wasn’t looking or hinting at a relationship as he thought, I mean the end goal when you meet someone you like and get to know is that for most of us, but you need to get to know a person before you can even address that idea in your mind. And hang on a minute this site IS for people looking to date or have relationships…is it not? So getting cold feet when a girl finally lets you in, is quite hurtful to be honest, even if I wasn’t expecting a relationship overnight nor wanting one. Things take time, but I do expect consistency. Everyone looks good on paper and everyone shows the best version of themselves at first, but in time that fades and the real people come out.
I am interested in consistency and honesty, people who want to build with me and know what they want. They don’t need to know if they want a relationship with me, it is impossible to know that at first and it can take some time. But when you click with someone on the important things and on top bond and there is amazing chemistry, there are some good signs there could be a great friendship and perhaps an amazing relationship. For me that s a sign that it needs to be explored, and I am guilty of getting carried away (I am a romantic) and perhaps I may have scared off this last person. But if I guy cannot make some time to get to know someone he has an amazing connection with for whatever it may bring and/or suddenly has cold feet, I don’t think that is all my fault. What I am trying to say here is that I wish people would explore these connections and give themselves the chance. Men complain about a lot of things but really who blames women when we are guarded after getting such treatment?
People’s biggest regrets as I was reminded by a male best friend are usually tied to those chances they passed on in relationships or when getting to know someone. What do you really have to lose and how can you expect to find anything of value if you do not devote time and effort to it?
This…girls is why I am single. I don’t want to settle and I definitely do not want to convince anyone of my worth. There are plenty of girls out there who will exchange nudes, heck there is even porn, Onlyfans and sites like chaturbate but does that really satisfy a man? Or Elon Musk’s new AI gf…
No, I don’t believe it satisfies them because if it did, us girls would not end up in situations like these. Hence why I am doing the blog, there is a deeper issue here. And not meaning to sound arrogant, I know that what I bring to the table is rare and that very few women can match that, which puzzles me really as to why someone would not see this and just throw away something that began so beautifully.
I’ll add that sometimes we are too quick to judge and need to take a deep breath in matters of the heart, because the heart SHOULD matter in all this – otherwise what is the point? Deep breath…we never know what the other person is going through but this should go both ways as they have no idea about our lives or what we are going through with their behaviors. Talking, as difficult as it may be is necessary and as adults, also assuming our own accountability and the roles we play in misunderstanding, as misunderstandings WILL happen when we keep communication to mostly texts and written messages, and if there is geographical distance. Human touch and failing that actual voice texts and voice communication and videos are crucial, for tone, mood, and to properly understand a person.
I will add though, perhaps the most damning of all these experiences I’ve had was the one back in February, where this person tried to reconnect with me after literally leaving me hanging…as if nothing happened. His way of communication began good with a couple of phone calls but after that, never asked questions nor shared, never wanted to know about my life nor share any of his and basically limited his engagement to a daily morning and maybe night text where he would just ignore anything I said to redo the whole thing over the next day. Leaving no room for communication at all or getting to know him before we actually met.
So when he left me hanging with a supposed explanation and apology about his sketchy behaviour (he was busy too busy to talk, at work etc but logged on here 24/7) and then reconnected as if nothing, it kinda set me on fire. On top he demanded an answer as to being with him, in his own words of “are we going to have a relationship and you are not going to make me beg or jump through hoops” or shall we just call it quits?” Call quits what exactly? I only had an interaction of a mere 2 weeks and refused to meet in person because I was busy and wanted to get to know the guy a little remotely before I decided to actually meet in person. Which brings me to the relationships issue. No one can know on just meeting someone whether or not they want a relationship with that person, but they should know after a few weeks of interactions or perhaps shortly on meeting whether this person is someone that resonates with them to want to invest some time and some effort in getting to know them.
I blocked this person and later unblocked them due to hoping they would have changed but receiving a few messages from this person a couple of days ago reminded me why frying pans are made. And why I will ever engage with him again. Disrespectful to the core, he even commented on how I had been “busy making friends” in a very negative creepy kind of way. I am single, I am writing a blog here and I added some friends about a month ago, I wasn’t aware that I was under surveillance but this together with the arrogance and demanding behaviour and lack of apologies, really has given me goosebumps in the worst way. He may have been close to me locally, geographically, but that’s as close as he will get to having any other contact with me.
He is blocked again as I understand from some private conversations that I am not the only one that has had issues with this person or complained of him.
There are plenty of people who pretend they want something deeper, just to end up with a session or experience, it dehumanizes one and it makes one feel like a piece of meat that was used up and thrown. Even if one does not want to think that way, it rises the insecurities that a woman might have because of such a shallow society. We seek connection, they seek a cup size and some ego boost. It is the opposite of what we are looking for when we signed up to open up to someone.
Agree Lumberjack and Ambrosia. I am not an insecure person, but also never was vain, like most people I have many flaws and also bits of me I do not like. But these experiences…as a whole have affected me as a woman and my confidence. You know what you bring to he table as do I, so what on Earth is wrong with people? I really don’t deal well with instability because it is all I have known in my life and have worked hard to create peace. I need people around me whether for friendship or as partners that contribute to that peace and who are honest and caring. We all have lives and issues, but is it so hard to be considerate? Where is our humanity? This is why, despite lacking time, I am committed to the blog here and to the mission in that blog.
Men and women need to support each other and work together now more than ever. Not being honest or playing games helps no one.
@justdandy – Brutal! Sorry for your experience.
Following on from all of the responses here (and the private messages sent to me) I am leaving a little romance in the air…
😉
Be thankful that is as far as it went.
I once was trying to meet a girl, we decided on a time and place. I show up and she says she will be right there, like 1 minutes away. That was the last message I received. Ghosted, waiting….
Like who does that?
I’ve linked up with 2 girls from this site and while we had a great time we haven’t linked up or barely even talked since which is cool I don’t take it personally however I’ve had the account deletion thing happen a few times. One of the girls I linked with said her account was deleted because someone reported her account or something. I’ve also been blocked for saying hi. Didn’t ask for nudes or say anything just a simple introduction and where I’m located and got blocked if they weren’t interested they could’ve said that and I would’ve understood.
Right there with you @justdandy. I met this incredible, what I thought was respectable guy on here. We would call, text and FaceTime each other. We worked so hard on forming a bond and personal relationship, and one day he just lost interest and stopped responding to me out of the blue. Before we even planned our first meet up. He wanted to take things slow. He would always tell me how special and beautiful he thought I was. He told me I was the best catch he had ever found on this website (As was he). It’s like, you strategically work so hard to conserve and focus your time and efforts on here as to not where out from the overload of incoming messages from all the men on this site only to have it be all for not at the end of the day.
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