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How long do you usually text/message with someone before you meet them to see if there’s a connection in person? Is there certain stuff you need to know about the other person before meeting?
I’d meet right away and meet in public over breakfast/lunch or coffee. There’s no time to waste on chatting leading to analysis paralyses for extended periods of time, and realizing the 💣 chemistry and dopamine surges were all just a figment of yours/his imagination.
@jackl I couldn’t agree more! I can tell alot from an in person meet and especially a simple hug…
I usually message for a month or two before I meet anyone. It’s not necessary to meet in person until I know if I have a mental connection and good communication with the individual. I’ve got a protocol interview process I like to see evolve first.
A person that can’t host is immediately off the list, a person that can’t meet during the day or stay over night is immediately disqualified, a person that’s been in a relationship within the past 6 months is ineligible, a person who can’t provide an STD/STI test less than 72 hrs old is disqualified, anyone under 50 is disqualified, and a few others.
This has always been my issue with people. I’ve literally never found the chemistry I need in person, despite great chats.
There are a few things I need to know before meeting but I’ve also found that people can say and claim anything in chat and even meeting in person doesn’t prove it’s true or not. A lot claim to want exactly what you do but that’s rarely the case.
Some years ago, I chatted with one man for about 6 weeks, he lived about 25 miles away so close compared to some and we had chatted about everything, found lots in common, got on well and even agreed some potential logistics if we did form an ANR etc. We met in person, roughly half way from our locations and I found no chemistry pretty quick and so knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I told him this at the end of the meeting, saying it had been nice to meet and chat (true) but I didn’t feel I could go any further. He obviously wasn’t pleased and then tried to persuade me to get a hotel room and let him suckle as a one-off anyway, admitting that he had a wife who refused him ABF “even after the babies were born and she had loads of milk”. This man had told me he was single/never married and childless.
I asked him how he ever thought he would get away with this lie had we actually began an ANR and he admitted that his plan was to establish an ANR and then once that was going well, he was going to leave the wife and children and by then it would be too late for me (or whoever he was in the ANR with) for them to object as a bond would have been formed.
I’ve become much better at weeding people out now but for me at least, meeting usually changes everything. If you’re close enough to do so, I’d say meet as soon as possible 🙂Speaking personally I prefer to have conversations for at least a week or two before even considering meeting in person. Many times through conversation people show themselves as misaligned with what you’re seeking in that time. After that as Lucy says, no further delay in meeting in person is really necessary because meeting a person one-on-one will often give you the final clue for or against going any further. And yes a hug can tell you lots at least as much as whether a person truly is a person who thrives on human contact or if they are simply after a carnal connection. Face it. Some people just don’t know how to hug with their whole heart.
The longer you spend chatting the less likely you’re going to meet.
I find some people’s “vetting” proccess borderlines paranoia. I’m happy to not meet anyone like that. I’m going to sound like a total ass but I often wonder how some on here function in regular social settings 🤔
Add me as a +1 to meeting in person sooner rather than later. My preferred approach is to have a voice phone call ASAP, exchange enough relevant info between us to gauge future potential, and if everything seems good, set up a date and time for a public place meetup at the end of that call.
I agree with previous comments that there’s no substitute for an in-person meetup for gauging chemistry. The “dating” process (with or without the ABF component) always involves lots of dead ends…it’s just part of the process and is to be expected, AND accepted as normal. Also, normal adults as they mature get better and better at assessing new partner potential quickly, IF they are honest with themselves and trust their gut feelings. Any approach that lengthens the vetting process I view as a waste of precious time.
Thank you for asking this question and for those who responded. This was insightful!
ASAP. Average 2 days for me. A little less conversation a little more suckling!
Some of them say they want to but when it actually becomes an option, they run for the hills. Be direct, ask them for a time and date, that will separate the men from the boys 😂
I’ll see what kind of connection you feel while chatting. If we both have same expectations for nursing. Then next step is voice and/ or video call and then meeting. It’s better to meet in person soon once you feel the connection.
@ janis, don’t get disappointed. You will be fine. It’s not easy. Few got lucky to find someone quick. But many like us, should keep our hope and stay positive.
Good luck.I haven’t met anyone on here, but on bumble, hinge, and so on, I’ll usually chat for a few hours before asking for a phone number or social media. It’s another day or two before I ask to meet, and from there it’s usually several days to a couple weeks before a meet actually happens. I’m open to meeting sooner, but frankly I’m a bit shy and can also have a hard time getting a read on people.
That said, it can really vary from person to person. I’ve chatted with some for months before meeting (or ultimately deciding not to), and on the other side of the spectrum, I’ve matched, met, and found myself in bed with someone in a matter of hours. Most people fall somewhere in between.
I prefer to get to know someone a little bit online either by way of texting or calling or emailing but I agree with Rachy the sooner we meet in person the better. I always want to meet in person in public for a first meeting. Perhaps coffee or tea or dinner. If there is a mutual interest then let’s get to it
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