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I love this site. I have met so many lovely people. But sometimes I have to shake my head at the lack of understanding and grace when I decline to answer a question. We are in a unique place seeking a unique experience. What we choose to share, or not share, isn’t something that should be a point of contention. And frankly, when it comes to that, it clearly has to do with the maturity of the person making the question, NOT the one declining to answer.
I would NOT be posting on this if it was the first time it’s happened. I’ve been on this site 11 days. 11 DAYS. And and today I had my 5th interaction where my declining to answer a specific state and city/town became a contentious topic for the one seeking the information. Why? WHY? I don’t owe you or anyone that answer. PERIOD. Especially if I’ve given you a general idea of the “time distance” we are apart if you’ve indicated a city or state in your profile. Or, again, if I’ve indicated we’re a number states away.
Because I believe this should be something all of us here should give thought to, here are some good reasons why anyone on here shouldn’t have to answer such a question if they choose not to:
1. Rural living – not all of us live in a large enough town or city to provide anonymity.
2. It’s none of your business until I want to make it your business.
3. Some career paths are sensitive. We have a right to behave in a way that protects ourselves and our ability to make a living.
4. It’s none of your business until I want to make it your business.
5. Some are parents and have children, and therefore have a duty of protection greater than to ourselves. Pedophiles are real. They are everywhere. They are on this site, whether we like it or not. And they are brilliant, BRILLIANT, at being wolves in sheep’s clothing.
6. It’s none of your business until I want to make it your business.
7. Stalking. It’s real. It happens. You don’t need to know where I’m at until and unless this might become something serious. And if you’re not seeking something serious, you didn’t read my profile close enough to be reaching out to me anyway.
8. It’s none of your business until I want to make it your business.
9. It’s none of your business until I want to make it your business.
10. It’s none of your business until I want to make it your business.
Text copied from the relevant interaction today-
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Payton 45 minutes ago
I’m not one to give up my location. Plus,I’ve been searching long enough (not this site in particular), that I understand travel and the potential to relocate are a part of the real search.
So if you’re interested in getting to know each other, great. Otherwise, I get it.39 minutes
Why is the city or town you live in a matter of national security? lol I was asking for your city name… not your home address and phone number lol
Payton 36 minutes ago
If you don’t understand why that’s private and not for acquaintances, then we certainly aren’t going to be a good potential match anyway.
Best of luck to you!35 minutes
i’m not into high school games…..take care
———————-Am I the only one experiencing this ridiculous behavior? Your thoughts?
Well said and I’m glad you posted this.
Hi Payton,
My congratulations to you for a post extremely well written and emphasized. Kudos to you for being aware of your safety and security and those around you! It’s the complacent who nurturingly divulge that needless information who are the unfortunate to learn the hard way.
We all talk about the red flags, but few actually are aware of them because they’re trying to please someone and are too eager to find a partner.
When divulging personal information one must always ask themself…How well do I really know this person? How long have I known this person? Would I introduce this person to my closest s friends or family? If one can’t answer those basic questions without hesitation, I’d say not well enough to share an intimate relationship with then.
I understand maybe not giving up the town you are in for security reasons. But the state I can see how it makes it harder to figure out if you are a potential match.
You are not in the wrong at all! I have posted clearly on my profile that I’m in a relationship and only looking for like-minded individuals to talk to. The number of questions I get that have nothing to do with just having a conversation with someone is astounding and frankly off-putting at times.
I couldn’t agree more! We all have every right to not answer any question we don’t feel comfortable with answering and if someone has a problem with that, that’s a problem they have, not you. That’s something they will have to get over and if they can’t, well, they can move on.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience.
Do not even entertain their interrogation. This site is recreational. We all have enough stress in our everyday lives. I refuse to tolerate it here. I strongly recommend you save yourself the aggravation and utilize that block feature. Do not enable anyone on this site to ruin your experience. Block them and spend your time here in conversation that you enjoy.
I completely agree. It’s an assumption that if we are in the same area then that means we will connect. NO! Letting things flow and getting comfortable with each other is a must. Asking where you are and steady pushing for location location location will not get anyone anywhere. This isn’t some typical deed. Anr is bonding and intimate. It is pretty obvious who is looking for a hookup and figure that this is a quick way to get it. I appreciate everyone who speaks up because it lets me know I’m not alone and not being mean when I decline the pressure to meet. Stay strong love and continue your journey.
It’s very simple. You only disclose what information you feel comfortable with. If someone objects, they are the problem.
Hi Payton,
So perfectly stated. No one is “owed” any personal info on this site. Anyone who doesn’t get that should be unceremoniously blocked. No need to warn these types in your profile to be on their best behavior.
If someone do want to know you, he will give time to build up that trust. It is all about time, understanding and trust.
Since you’re only saying you’re in the Midwest, that is naturally going to illicit people asking where are you in the Midwest. The Midwest covers a pretty broad area.
I would ask a man where he is located if his profile just said, Midwest.
I don’t need an exact city, but for practicality reasons I’d surely want to know the state and the region. Distance does matter for practical reasons.
But you have a right to do what you want.@natasha WaterLily
I can appreciate what you’re saying, but for me:
1. If my profile already varies from the norm of not stating a city/state, I think it’s a pretty clear signal that I may consider that information a bit more private than most.
2. I absolutely am NOT taking umbrage with the fact that I’m being asked the question. I’m taking umbrage with the childish and entitled responses when I politely decline to answer.
Payton, you make a valid point. Infact it goes to show that it is ok for a woman not to disclose her location because it protects her. I would have suggested putting alocation close to yours like a state or two away, for example, NY instead of NJ, or MD instead of VA, but you shouldn’t have to do that. Moreover, I feel that respect should be treated across the board. If a woman feels she doesn’t have to disclose her location then a man shouldn’t pressure her or resent her decision.
Similarly, if a man chooses not to dislose his location or exact state, he shouldn’t be ostracized as being a liar or manipulator, or a cheater. When I traveled for work, there were many who presumed, I was a fraud because my current location didn’t match what was on my page. If I told them i didn’t feel comfortable disclosing my current location it was a block, but I am glad to know the women on this site support BOTH men and women having the freedom to maintain their privacy.
As always, it should be equal as Payton demonstrated, Thank you for voicing the responses you received from me and beinging this treatment to the forefront
As always, it should be equal as Payton demonstrated, Thank you for voicing the responses you received to us and beinging this treatment to the forefront
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