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I’ve never had any experience with online dating in any capacity. For those of you who have met up with others after extensive online chatting, were others what you expected them to be? How well do you think that you can know someone online?
I imagine that outside of anr, you would just give it a crack and find out, but with anr there is more likely to be large distances between your locations, perhaps issues of privacy etc.What are your experiences?
When communicating and building a friendship an image is built in your mind of this person. Share pictures. Voice chat.
Most importantly meet at a neutral public spot. Go on from there. Having done that, I’ve not been surprised. My feeling of anxiousness melted away at seeing her smile.Over the years I have met 20-odd people in person, all in the UK and usually after at least 3 months of chatting online, by text, phone calls etc. I’ve never found anything bad but I have never found any chemistry at all and never got beyond meeting in person.
Don’t let that put you off though – it’s got to me not them lol!
I’m an extrovert by nature and generally don’t have any problem talking to anyone ever, lol. What I’ve noticed in this lifestyle since inducing last August is that most of the women are nurturing care giving personalities, which is a dangerous combination when considering meeting someone to consider sharing your most vulnerable part of your body with.
Most nurturing care giving personalities don’t ever contemplate the natural primal predatory nature of the male species and often overlook numerous warning signs and red flags during their online chat exchange or personal text exchanges and phone conversations. Be cautious, ask questions, make notes, take your time, do your research, have a friend you always tell where you’re going and whom your meeting when you schedule a meet & greet, ALWAYS meet in a public place first before scheduling any kind of nursing session.
Since August 2022 I’ve been in touch with numerous perspective suckle buddies, I’ve publicly met with about 15 and currently have settled on 3 or 4, with 1 positive interaction.
Relationships of any kind require an attraction factor, chemistry or a spark between the two invested partys. Even in a normal dating relationship the same applies. Developing the relationship takes time or the entire interaction will be a flash in the pan “hook up”. Developing a nursing relationship should include some ground rules…write down your ground rules and stick to them. Make sure your partner has also clearly established their expectations and both parties understand and comprehend what each expects.
Whether an ANR or ABF or just passing suckle moment both vested parties can benefit by plain old communication of what the others expectations are.
Vanilla on-line dating is a miserable experience these days. Expect to be routinely ghosted or worse by bots, scammers, fan-collectors, cat-fishers, and hoards of people who are just there for the ego-strokes, etc. Even the apps themselves are subversively working against you lest they lose customers. It takes a near-superhuman level of fortitude to slog through it all. Yet, for many of us, what other options are there these days?
Searching for someone with a specialized interest such as ABF/ANR is a different angle on the same general experience.
The fakes and scammers and cat-fishers and so on are all there on specialized-interest sites too. As always, if it seems too good to be true, it almost inevitably is! Therefore, you must proceed with your own safety paramount in mind at every step.
One trap that people may fall into is assuming that ABF/ANR is such an inherently sweet and innocent activity that the people seeking it are also all sweet and innocent. Many are, but many are on alternative sites because they are suffering from emptiness or prior damage in their lives. Can you really expect a half-broken person to be your dream partner, or even viable enough for a second date?
Similar traps lie within one’s own self. The hope and yearning can be so strong that even obvious red flags are willfully ignored. Or, because of distance, you write back and forth for months, and by “projection” you create a fantasy image of the other person that, upon finally meeting, proves radically different from the real person. So to answer one of the OP’s questions: No, you don’t really know someone until you actually meet in person and spend time face-to-face.
Because of all the pitfalls, success rates tend to be low. But “it only takes one,” so be careful but don’t give up hope! 🙂
I’ve a fair amount of experience online dating, my overall experience is quite positive. I’ve got quite an outgoing personality so enjoy meeting new people and I’m also comfortable too share my feelings, particularly if there’s no chemistry.
I’ve found that the longer you message the more you tend to build an image of the person that isn’t accurate. Better to message then move quite quickly to a phone call then a short initial meet in a neutral location as Grogman indicates. Meet for a coffee then take things from there.@friedeggs – Zoe, what’re you NOT doing at the beach?! lol
The success rate has been reasonably high for me if I or she decides to take action after extended periods of online chats. I have low expectations from folks I converse with online as nothing is as ‘real’ as meeting someone in person. And there’s nothing oxymoronic or injurious about being a cynical optimist. I don’t need to meet at a public spot, but I’d always offer the option for her safety and comfort. I know some of this after 41 yrs of experience as I may have mistook a few strangers’ chests as my mum’s as a baby – true story…the suckling urge in this one runs deep.
Wow! Thanks for such thorough and insightful replies, much appreciated.
The take home messages seems to be, be cautiously optimistic, heed even small warning signs, using multiple forms of communication is less likely to build false images, and if you aren’t feeling the chemistry, there probably isn’t any. Great tips, thanks 🙏!
I’m also intrigued to know what a cat-fisher is 🤣?
Basically, a cat-fisher is someone who tries to get you to give them your personal information (address, bank account, credit card, passwords, etc.) while pretending to be something they are not.
So far, I have met three women who tried to cat-fish me, with (thankfully) only one able to get any money out of me.
There are many people out there using the anaonymity of online personas to do eveil, vile, morally wrong, and illegal activities because the chances of being caught are relatively low, and even lower for them to have to repay damages even if thye are caught.
This has been my experience that there are many women who are out there only to get a man to give them money. Fortunately, this site has been FANTASTIC at keeping those kinds of people off the website.
For me, whenever a woman asks me for money and all we have done is chat online, I immediately break off contact. I will not give anyone any money unless we are in a permanent relationship.
*anonymity
Catfishing is more general than that. It refers to anyone pretending to be someone they are not for any reason. Of course scammers pretend, but “catfishing” is often done without monetary motivation. Why would they do this?
They are lonely and crave attention, but they feel unattractive and they know that a prettier picture will work much better.
They are men with fantasies of being a woman, or who want to talk to men but without the admission that they are a man. (I suppose the opposite sex works here too.)
They are married and lonely but don’t want to post their own pictures.
They are pure game-players who want to see how much they can wrap people around their little finger.
Here in particular: Men pretending to be women so that they can talk to women as women and obtain private photos, etc. (And all the rest as above.)
There are also endless varieties:
“Kitten-fishing” – using an unrealistically-old photo.
“Hat-fishing” – all your photos are in hats to hide baldness.And so on. Participate in any on-line dating site for any length of time and you will get catfished, whether you realize it or not – but you probably won’t be meeting them for the obvious reason that the game would then be up.
Oh I see. Times they are a changing 🙂 Yes, I can see how there would be many motivations behind this, some of them not sinister at all or maybe even unconscious.
Hat fishing, this cracks me up. I suspect this one isn’t exclusively an online phenomenon 😉At this point, I feel like the online dating thing is just pointless….. It seems like people are all talk and really no action and there are way to many people that are to caught up in the fantasy part of ANR/ABF and don’t realize that their is so much that they think they know but really don’t know, they also may think that there are things that they really want to do but when they actually do get to experience the ANR/ABF it may not be something they really like. And, back to the fantasy thing, it seems like people join these ANR sites to just live out their fantasy virtually rather than actually having a physical experience. There’s just way to many people that just want to sit and hide behind their phones and computer screens and just do back and forth texting all fu**** day when really you can get to know someone by hearing their voice instead by talking to them and really start to see what they are like as a person, video chatting is also better as well if you aren’t able to meet with the person physically but you still want to speak to them where you will be able to get some what of an idea as to the type of person they are because I feel like texting doesn’t help none at all. Meeting someone physically is a lot better than any other method of communication but, I’m just saying that video chatting to me is the next best option if you can not meet with the person face to face. I don’t expect much on this website, or any virtual social platform for that matter. I always tend to not expect anything from random people that you come across online and it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been talking to someone virtually because there’s nothing like ACTUALLY MEETING THEM IN PERSON. You may feel like you know someone because you took time to communicate with them online but, in my opinion, you really don’t know that person until you actually take time getting to know them physically rather than virtually. It doesn’t matter how long you been talking to them online, what matters the most is you all meeting up to see if there’s actually chemistry between the two of you or not and I could be wrong but, I don’t think I am wrong. At this point, I take the whole virtual dating/mingling stuff with a grain of salt, I just seriously do not take people serious anyways when it comes to talking to them online and there are other factors as well as to why the virtual stuff doesn’t work…..but these are my personal thoughts, so……
In my opinion the success of a meet has to meet some factors for example:
Distance
Mutual reasons to meet
When and where
Gauge good rapport before you meet them, understand your preferences and attractions and etc etc.
And make sure you know exactly what the person looks like before you meet so you avoid getting catfished.And if falls into place and you wanna meet again? Fantastic! Your meet was successful
Just be safe, careful and importantly honest.
All the best!
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