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Admin edit: the original poster of this topic deleted their account, but as this topic seems of interest it now shows under my name to prevent it being “by Anonymous”. The original post is below:
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“It is interesting how some people block for differences of opinion. Perhaps I am being naive but was under the impression we were all on this site for the same reason. A little bit of tolerance and understanding goes a kong way.” [sic]
Thank you Sarah. I won’t.
My understanding is that a person may block for any reason. I think this should be reevaluated. I was blocked because I didn’t respond to a message thread. At the time I didn’t realize the person wrote two messages prior. Now I can’t even contact the person to explain the misunderstanding. This leaves no room for resolution.
I’ve blocked quite a few people so far. Some for inappropriateness. Some bc I felt uneasy. Some just pushy. Some its just an age difference, etc. My time and energy are limited and I refuse to waste that. If that’s seen as rude to some, that is on them. Truth is many people block for many different reasons. Many times for things that have nothing you may have realized. Just do you in the best way possible and don’t waste your energy on it.
In a pragmatic sense, getting blocked or ghosted is an expected part of on-line life, and only the blocker needs to feel the reason is valid.
It can be hard not to take it personally, but it’s best to just shrug and move on.
Pete, if someone blocks you when you’ve been reasonable, you’ve dodged a bad bullet. Never look back.
This is like the third post in under a month regarding blocking..is it seriously so offensive it can’t be moved on from? Is it really hard to come to terms with it? What do you all hope to accomplish if they don’t block you? Do you think that person just hasn’t “given you a chance”? Why do you feel you deserve a chance? Do you anticipate they will change their mind? I don’t get it.
I wish I understood why someone deciding to do something that benefits them, however they feel it does, is so awful that it warrants 3 posts about it in less than 3 weeks.
I think people here, and on similar forums on other niche interests, are especially susceptible to feeling hurt due to blocking or ghosting.
Why? Because ANR/ABF is a unicorn-like dream with a very low probability of finding success due to a very thin population of actively interested people and concomitant geographic obstacles. So failures can be very painful.
With apologies to the OP, etc., I can imagine a common scenario might be the following:
An average man (men outnumber women here by like 5:1) stumbles upon this site, shouts “Hallelujah!” and writes indiscriminately to all the ladies with attractive breast photos: “Yo, I wanna suk u tits”, possibly including a dick pic. They get blocked.
What!? That didn’t work? OK, I’ve got to try a different approach, so he writes indiscriminately to all the other ladies with awesome breast photos: “Hi, I’m not like those ‘wanna suk’ guys. I sincerely want a long term relationship! So can I suk u tits now?” … and gets blocked. “OMG, no fair! It’s them, not me! I’m so hurt!”
The only way to survive with this dream is to acknowledge that it is a dream, not an expectation.
I haven’t experienced it, but there’s no harm hearing people out on such claims. Maybe there’s some truth to it in a few cases and maybe there’s not in most..
This is 95% of the DM’s blocked. I also get the “hi”, “I know you said you don’t accept DM’s…” and various others that honestly violate any sense of my personal boundaries and humanity. I refuse to be guilted or shamed for doing so, period. If the guy is upset, that is an indicator that I was more than likely accurate in my assessment that this person has no interest in my feelings, just their gains. Why would I want to give them a chance?
And there is harm in hearing someone out. The “foot in the door” is not a great start for any healthy relationship, particularly if your entire approach is based on that tactic. It’s a safety issue, and given how many here complain about being blocked, it makes me feel less inclined to talk to any new people.
Fair points. I think one’s profile should explicitly state such terms as well – if it persists, then anyone can block away. But suppressing viewpoints on forums smells dictator-Shippy to me. While there are funny characters on both sides of the aisle, being judgy about individuals without knowing anything about their lives ain’t kosher either. Blocking feature FTW in all other cases!
@jackl Who is suppressing viewpoints on a forum? Where are you getting the judgy stuff from?
Foxy was very clear about when and why she blocks. No one is owed a second chance, you either exhibit self control and respect someone’s boundaries or you’re blocked.
Michael has found an effective middle ground that maintains community while allowing people to prevent unwanted DMs. What is the problem?
@lusciousliz – Who said there’s a problem? 🙂 I think Michael does an awesome job in leveling the playing field not only on these forums.
What’s your viewpoint on folks continuing to express their concerns of being blocked or for that matter any other issue – why ‘move on’ and not hear them out even if it comes up again?
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