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Maybe it’s not as taboo as we or society think it is. The fear of rejection, being shamed, or being thought of as perverted stops us from ever talking about it. If we do not talk about it, how are we supposed to educate our peers and normalize it?
ANR/ABF is no different than cuddling, kissing, sex, or any other types of intimacy. At some point in history many acts of intimacy were taboo or outright illegal, to some extent they still are. Sex before marriage, oral, sleeping in the same bed, PDA, anal, any position other than missionary, women initiating sex, women enjoying sex, women pursuing men, masturbation, the list goes on and on.
The reason those things are no longer considered taboo by most people is because we as a society started talking about them and normalizing them. These acts of intimacy and sex are normalized more and more each day. While I am not a fan of the 50 Shades series, I have to say it has done a great job of getting people to talk. It has made many realize they are not sexual deviants and that it is perfectly ok to enjoy BDSM.
So how do we get people to talk about and normalize ANR/ABF? Unless someone is going to write a best selling book, we are going to have to do the work ourselves as a niche community, and talk about it. Some options for getting the conversation started are sharing articles or books about ANR/ABF. Rolling Stone magazine wrote a great article on the topic a few years ago. Ask people if they have ever heard of the book Love’s Sweet Embrace, or the documentaries that were produced a few years ago Unwell and Breastfeeding my Boyfriend.
You do not have to talk about your interest in it, just ask people what they think about it, and people will think about it. Their initial thought may be that it’s perverted and disgusting, or they may realize they are not the only one that has considered or fantasized about it. This is how I I came to realize I wasn’t a freak for fantasizing about it.
Maybe a public Facebook page or Instagram needs to be created. Alt Facebook profiles can be used so we are not outing ourselves when we voice how we feel about ANR/ABF, the benefits, and intimacy of it.
What are your thoughts? Let’s talk about how we can educate our peers.
I think it’s less about taboo and more about understanding. It also comes down to different situations. Women who have experienced it after having a baby may associate more with it being linked to a necessity rather than an act of pleasure. Some women find it painful as their breasts are too sensitive. There are also numerous psychological associations linked to it that may causes stress.
Furthermore, some (like a lot of people who have experienced kink or taboo including myself) experience shame, which is a powerful deterrent unfortunately.
But it is becoming more mainstream which is wonderful to see. Like other practices, I believe it takes communication, time and a patient approach
Well said Elizabeth. I agree wholeheartedly.
It’s not a kink it’s a lifestyle choice. Or a lifestyle imprinted in our dna 🧬I don’t have any statistics to back it up, but I actually feel like it’s no more taboo than any other kink, and possibly far less taboo. I agree with Liz, it just needs talked about. I think in talking about it, we unlock something within ourselves, and realize the actual attraction we have for the act, but also just knowing that others are partaking removes that feeling of “weirdness.” Coming to this site definitely helped me, but the many different blogs probably helped the most. Reading about historical, even biblical, references to breastfeeding remaining part of a couples life for long after having children was eye opening, but also more along the lines of confirming. As in not learning something new, but confirming something I suspected. That’s why I use the term “unlock”, because it’s like I always knew, just needed something to bring it to the surface.
I think part of it comes from more conservative views of what can be considered as acceptable for sexual pleasure or turn ons. I agree that it is good to try to talk about and try to normalize, since there may be people that may not have thought about, discovered, or just was not comfortable being the one to bring up the topic. On the flip side, it is also ok that not everyone is into this lifestyle choice as Sarah put it, since we can just gravitate to those that do choose the same lifestyle.
It’s actually to intimate to discuss even with friends, I have never discussed ABF with any other male. I have brought it up with lady friends with some success . They were in favor of abf especially if they are breast sensitive and their partner is a good suckler. Once she gets into it and realizes the warmth, romance and closeness there is nothing like it. Then she wants to lactate and feed her partner the healthy sweetness of her milk and feel the fulness of her breasts. In the end it is men who will have to bring abf to their lady friends because so many woman don’t know what a real abf is. The idea is to make abf an accepted part of normal romance.
As we all know this is nothing new. It is already taught in school through The Grapes Of Wrath, Greek Mythology, Roman history, etc. It is in religion and adoption methods in tribes. It is even in pop culture as we saw in the episode of “The Boys” or in anime like “Qwaser of Stigmata”. As discussed before this is present in many countries like China, Japan, India, USA, Uganda, etc.
I read a medical article that summarized my own beginning down this path where father’s are encouraged to help with nursing to remove blockages, relieve engorgement, and stimulate production. In that article the doctor said “you can’t put two sexually active people together with a lactating woman and not have a certain amount of curiosity” so, I think this is more common than we think. People just don’t want to admit they tried it (or got excited/pleasured by it).
I think this is a complex issue that would need conversations and normalization on multiple topics as I believe there are multiple facets of this that can bring stigma to ANR/ABF. These include: birth rates, formula use, nursing of babies, society rules, porn industry, sexual/physical preferences, government regulation of breast milk, wet nursing, etc.
I also think that there above topics provide many opportunities for us to talk about, share, and normalize ANR and ABF. To me the more/longer general breastfeeding is encouraged it will help us and is acceptable to discuss to a degree. As a man this is also more difficult as this is an inherently female topic. I also think the more we all ask for ANR/ABF during the “sex talk” of dating in a respectful and considerate way it will also slowly bring this into normalization. This inherently requires the “poker face” to create a safe space for each person to express sexual desires free of judgement and control.
Though I think there are also more opportunities to discuss this with family at least when babies are around. In my own family my mom traded kids with her sister to see what it was like when I was 5. My brother’s wife expressed milk for his coffee. And my ex’s sisters squirted their younger kids when feeding. We can also encourage family members to breastfeed as long as they can, ask if Dad is helping, and privately share how Dad could help with breastfeeding instead of going to the doctor. I also agree the more we like, share, comment, and click on posts about this topic in various media the more algorithms will penetrate the general public for us like Elizabeth originally posted. Maybe even use our collective burner accounts to share this website.
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