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Thanks yogi for bringing this up. I think both men and women should feel free to chime in regarding this situation. I have genuinely seen both women and men miserable in their marriages just trying to find a breathing space to fantasize about what it would feel like if they were to redo their life choices. So we have to clearly distinguish malicious and toxic people who use others for personal satisfaction or power reasons versus those who are trying to find a reason to live a little again or to feel the excitement that they felt pursuing a girl or boy in school or college, sort of reliving their life in a more mature and right headed manner with hindsight and life experience to guide them this time. We all deserve to gather together a little bit of happiness to help sustain us in an otherwise cruel and uncaring world. I don’t begrudge anyone that.
I know some of the women or men may get mad at me for this post but when I see this situation, I don’t get mad as much as try to understand the reasoning behind what the person did, if it was not malicious in intent. Sometimes kids are involved and incompatible people stay together for the betterment of the kids. I am not saying it is right or healthy, just the reality so there you have my 2 cents worth of feedback on this 🙂
@Ms Spicey. Thanks for the feedback. I hear you…and there is no judgement here about people who are trying to survive a dead marriage, or looking for a way out of their current life situation, or who simply have decided the only way to get their needs met is through a virtual sideline person/relationship. To each his/her own. It’s about the lying behavior which sabotages any kind of connection you’ve tried to make, destroys trust and then ends up hurting people.
Sucks this happens to alot women being lied by men who claimed to be single in this site. It’s why Many have left for that reason and because to far away.
That is how I look at married people too. That is why I will spend a lot of time asking questions and assessing the situation to see what is really being wanted. An escape? A committed relationship? Someone to simply talk to about the situation?
Chances are, I won’t be more than a friend and confidant, because marriage adds an element of messiness that no one really wants to deal with. (Angry email from spouse demanding to know exactly wtf I think I’m doing with their spouse when I’m not the one who went outside the marriage, etc. Not my thing.) I want a committed relationship. I’m not going to get that fully from a married person. It’s impossible to ask for. No person can be fully committed to two people.
But at least allow me the option to choose if I want to give it a go than lie to me about it. I’m gonna find out eventually. You might as well tell me up front and show me you have *some* integrity. If you are too embarrassed or worried, then that’s probably your sign you shouldn’t be doing what you are doing.
I think you make a very valid point about angry spouses that many people don’t address. The spouses must know what their partner is like, that’s why they check up on them. I totally agree that blaming the person outside of their marriage is counterproductive, their cheating spouse will keep on looking outside of their marriage unless their issues are resolved.
@Foxyy
Completely agree…have a few married friends here that are really nice to talk to…but are never going to be able to commit to a relationship with me while they are married. It’s too messy. Never ends well.
The majority of men online are definitely not single in one way or another. The lack of communication and when they only want to communicate with you when they’re at work yeah big bad sign considering most people will refuse to be online or contact you whether it be by messaging sorts or texting if they’re definitely not single one way or another. It is a sickness it’s a major mental sickness that they play games with. They don’t like it when you avoid them, they get very angry and narcissistic.
The majority are men on these sites and apps by far they don’t even realize it because why they’re normally the ones that are the predators.
@yogisoul It is totally frustrating when that happens. It is hard to comprehend the callousness, deceit and disrespect that a married/attached person (who isn’t immediately forthright about it) embodies. Self absorption to the core.
It is tiring to fend them off; one guy who eventually admitted to being married told me that he gets so few responses currently that if he put he was married he would get even fewer! No concept that he is spending time on a dating and relationship site, eating up time and energy from lovely women where he can, for whatever his short term thrill is.
These grifters have no real interest in abf or anr; at most they are players and users. A waste of this site. It is men like these that cause women to be more guarded.
I bet you’re fun at parties. 😬
So many want the milk without commitment
Many want to chat to fill a voidI look at it like this
If they are unfaithful to their wifey
Why would they ever be faithful to you?@openlatchkiss What a totally useless and uninformed response. I get your attempt at a point, but you miss the bigger one.
@Jules Second all of that.
Interesting,yogi says tell the truth. I personally think this is a good example of chasing the carrot. Women on this site want a guy to tell the truth and want sympathy when they are led into false beliefs but don’t give the same sympathy to men when a guy isn’t 6 feet, isn’t local, or send you a pic and you don’t find him attractive.
Let’s ask the other question that no one is asking,why did you pick the guy in the first place? You picked him because you thought he was the best out of all the guys. Guys lie because women can’t handle the truth .. simple
It’s even worse when you consider that the ratio of men to women on here, is probably 10 men for every 1 woman. Frustrating for the men that are genuinely single and unattached, and timewasting for the ladies in having to sift through the deceivers. Men know full well that if they tell a woman they are married or have a partner, that that will most likely result in the woman saying no thanks, pass.
“Guys lie because women can’t handle the truth”. That’s a pretty thin argument for justifying manipulation. It’s men like you who make it difficult for women to take decent men at face value.
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