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I recently did some learning about relationship dynamics (that’s a whole other post) and learned about the varying attachment styles.
I feel extremely lucky to lead with a primarily stable style – especially having learned the challenges that other styles can put onto any kind of relationship. It’s something that doesn’t get taught growing up and we all seem to muddle our way through life and relationships until we work it out for ourselves.
I’m curious to know what yours is and if you feel it’s changes throughout your life?
Would you care to list the styles you’re talking about? I’m not totally sure how to answer your question. I don’t want to make you explain in great detail, but at least some further explanation.
Attachment styles describe the patterns of emotional bonding and relating to others that form in early childhood and continue into adulthood. The four main attachment styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. These styles are shaped by early caregiver relationships and influence how individuals approach intimacy, closeness, and emotional expression in relationships.
I read a quick article. I would say almost completely secure. But a small part of me would say disorganized. Having dealt with infidelity in the past, I’m slow to trust. Doesn’t mean I won’t trust. But I want to see that I can fully trust before I invest to much.
Interesting topic! I was in a realtionship for over 30 years with an dismissive avoidant ( means my partner had very very extremely low self esteem, or self worth. For a partner its walking on eggshells all the time, constantly reassuring, constantly make sure the partner can feel safe and still he didnt) It has changed me. I dont know if i will be wanting to go all in ever again. I have been on my own gor 6 years now and I can proudly say I have healed. But my freedom is something i will not easily compromise on.
People tell me that I am well-organised, but they don’t realise that this is a tool to help me deal with anxiety and insecurity. Then if that isn’t enough I make silly jokes to avoid difficult topics. Suckles and chuckles is the answer.
I’m so impressed with the vulnerability everyone is showing in this thread. I know meeting people online is the norm, but it’s so refreshing to see you all being “human” in the way(s) you interact. It fills my cup and I hope we all get to find the sort of relationships that meet our needs and values 🙂
I’ve learned that a lot of my anxiety comes from childhood trauma — it shaped how I connect, how I protect myself, and how I love. I recognize parts of me that are anxious, sometimes avoidant, sometimes unsure. But I’m also learning about what it means to feel safe, seen, and secure — within myself first. I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay. Growth isn’t a finish line for me; it’s a way of living.
Des, what a beautiful post! You got it! Safety within yourself first, thats where it all starts. You are the only one that can do it for yourself. And yes of course, it all starts in childhood. The experiences we had and the lessons we learned are defining us. Sometimes we can allow ourselves reflection on the lessons we learned. Weren’ t we being too hard on ourselves? Who are we protecting and why?
I would say that I’ve been mostly avoidant since the end of my first relationship, with a bit of secure, and maybe a dash of anxious.
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