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Just a reminder – If you are receiving constant unwanted messages or friend requests from any member, you can block them. Go to their profile page and click the BLOCK button. To see a list of members you have blocked, go to your SETTINGS page, where you also have the option to un-block.
Agreed. Without the block button, these guys that spam out their friend requests (and without messaging anything) would be a continuous frustration. Thanks.
I’d say that “some” is about 95%. It could be higher, but that’s being gracious.
To clarify, I never heard the word “fap” before, but that’s ALLLL that the “some” want out of most abf/anr sites. Very, very few are decent guys. I know that there are some good ones on here, but so many women get frustrated and run off by the creepy majority. They just want pics to “fap” to, waste our time and have no real intention on meeting.
Brittany, thanks for your input. Would you have any suggestions how things could be improved? Of course, people need to be able to message each other, but there also should be safeguards against spammers & pesterers. Where should the balance lie?
I appreciate your genuine concern Michael. I think the way you have it set up (especially with the block button) is just fine. I wish that were the problem, though. By no fault of your own, there are much bigger issues running us women off.
What burns us women out and off dating sites (and I’ve been comparing notes with the other women on here) is not spamming or even the creepy “friend” requests with zero communication, but the frustrations of spending SO MUCH TIME looking for decent guys and then those that are within a 13 hour-drive radius (not to mention if the above are attractive, take care of themselves, etc).
Time is usually spent talking to guys, then trading pics (here’s where the unsolicited dick pics get shoved in your face = Bye Felecia), maybe talking for weeks, just to find that the guys you’re interested in only really wants an online “fapping” relationship (which is one way). Typically, they don’t even want to take a sick day to meet you in reality, so that tells us what they really want and why they’re on the internet. Why don’t they just watch porn, “fap” and not waste actual womens’ time??
For one typical example of creepiness, I received this PM here today from a total stranger and this was his first (and only) sentence to me, “if i walked by you braless id love to ask to suckle”. Could you imagine those being your first words to a woman in reality?? That’s like school in the summertime… nooooo class. This is frustrating, since women like to have some grown-up conversation, just as we would in reality. Thankfully, most guys are a hair or two smoother than that (not too much though), but only to later want pics to “fap” to.
After sending me an UNSOLICITED (and unimpressive) dick pic, the LAST thing one of the abfheaven regulars (in UT) said to me on kik was, “no nip pics I can jerk off to?” REALLY? Again, bye Felecia.
I’m about ready to delete my account here, too.
…So frustrating.
Michael, you asked. I’m just telling you the truth. How to weed out and kick off well over half the guys on here? I don’t know.
Ok, thanks Brittany.
For the moment, the only advice I could possibly offer is –– Block, block, block! Use it liberally & often.
– I have deliberately disabled the attach-picture feature as part of Private Messages, as this would clearly be used by some guys to pressure women for pics. What happens off-site, on kik etc, is obviously not my business.
– What would I do, if I were female? I would exchange a couple of messages and assuming the guy seems reasonably sane & normal, I would insist on a telephone chat, ASAP. He gives her his number. She calls him, she can hide her number. So it’s safe, for her. Any guy who refuses, or is evasive, should be avoided. Block him. He is certainly a liar, scammer, or whatever. It is much harder for a guy who is lying, or just wants pics, to hide this when talking on the phone.
– What’s acceptable behaviour on this site? I would say it’s ok for guys to send 2 messages or friends requests, unsolicited. Beyond that, it’s a problem. This can be reported to me if necessary, and I will act.The problem of some guys just wanting pictures & sex chat is probably as old as the internet itself. I would be happy to hear others opinions about all this.
Hi Michael,
This:
“– What would I do, if I were female? I would exchange a couple of messages and assuming the guy seems reasonably sane & normal, I would insist on a telephone chat, ASAP. He gives her his number. She calls him, she can hide her number. So it’s safe, for her. Any guy who refuses, or is evasive, should be avoided. Block him. He is certainly a liar, scammer, or whatever. It is much harder for a guy who is lying, or just wants pics, to hide this when talking on the phone.”
This… is ABSOLUTE …GOLD. I suspected you’re familiar with the above issues and you certainly didn’t disappoint. Obviously, you’ve thought a lot about this. Suffice it to say, what little tidbits you suggest here, your advice is unparalleled. It should be an abfheaven sticky for ALL WOMEN, as it would’ve saved me many, many hours wasted (not to mention untold frustration and disappointment). I would be willing to bet you have more good advice, since you’ve been dealing with this as this site’s Admin. Thank you for your understanding.
Dare I say it, “GENIUS”.
Well, thanks for your very generous comments Brittany.
But I would like to know what others think about these issues.
This site is about 25% female, so if anything can be done to better attract & retain female members then I’d love to hear about it.I’m a new member to the site. I joined to learn about ABF/ANR and in that process maybe meet someone. I can say of the interactions, only 1 to date has been off putting.
I’m sure that may change as I’m on the site longer, but hopefully not. I don’t know who much more can be done to prevent creeps from being creepy, but that’s when I’ll just do as suggested and BLOCK.
I’ll have to converse with someone either on here, email, or kick, before I exchange numbers. I’m very discreet and won’t share a picture unless I’ve received one first and feel completely comfortable. I’m only meeting in public places initially, and even that will have to come with time.
New member here too. I’ve received a lot of messages, some unsolicited. It’s fine. Whatever.
The guys have been okay so far. Some creeps but a few gems are there.
The one thing that threw me. It would be nice to know their status (i.e., single, divorced, etc). It shouldn’t be an issue on a dating site but it is. Lots of MARRIED men looking for a little strange in their lives.
Great advice though. I echo earlier comments. I’m serious in my level of commitment I want to be sure they want the same thing as me.
If there were even more profile detail areas, it would be nice. I know you can’t control whether or not they fill it out, but it would be nice to know not just their marital status, but whether they are fetishist seeking. Not everyone into breastfeeding is in to the various, dare I say related, fetishes, and not all of those are brought to light in the introduction. A little check box might eliminate a ton of wasted time in conversations with men who think we want those things. I’m not trying to kink-shame, but your kink is not necessarily my kink.
Some kind of rating system might be helpful. There are a lot of the previously mentioned picture collectors and fap material seekers, not to mention the unsolicited private pic while trying to pressure others to reciprocate fellows out there. I would live a way to warn, and be warned, before sharing any information with the less than favorable members of the abf community. It does really get to the point where I new friend request or message is a cause of tension rather than a glimmer of hope.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know you cannot control what’s out there in the world, but I commend you for the efforts you make to keep up this site. Your hard work is appreciated!
Hi AG,
I have (so far) wanted to avoid adding extra items to Profile Pages, like marital status etc, smoking/non etc, because it has such a limiting effect on people contacting each other: if just ONE of those criteria is not met then people just don’t bother even chatting. So I prefer to leave it for members to give as much info about themselves in their About Me section as they choose.Maybe I will add the married/single tick-box, that would probably help.
I definitely can force members to fill out the required info – at registration, if a new member hasn’t – for example – filled out the About Me section in a reasonable way, then their account sits in “limited-status”, unable to send messages, unable to post in Forums. And if they still haven’t done it after a few days, they are deleted.
So I can’t force people to tell the truth about themself, but they must at least tell something.
A rating system? Maybe, but can easily lead to in-fighting & pettiness. But I will have a look at that idea.
” Friends requests” I always think are a bit silly. I personally do not make “friends” with random strangers on the internet. If I were female, I would delete all out-of-the-blue friend-requests, and delete any subsequent ones too. If the person continues, contact Admin to complain.
But friends-requests are a standard feature of sites like this, so for the moment, they are there.
AG, thanks again for your comments & ideas.
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