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Oh wow. I didnt expect this post to take off to this extent. Thanks everyone for posting. It seems most of us have these issues in one way shape or another. I will have a good read tomorrow when I’m less tired so I can respond to all.
Thank you for posting this topic.I think that event the most attractive people have the same hangups…some have more. I have the dilemna of comparing my 58 year old body to the body I had in my 30’s. And in my 30’s I compared my body to that I had in high school. I can look back at photos of my 30’s and teen years and think “Wow, why didn’t I realize how great I looked? Why was I so hard on myself? So at 58, will I even get the chance to look back on current pictures? Fuck it. We’re alive and we need to make the most of it. Believe me, I face the same thoughts and wish that at this age it were different. But I am who I am. I bring a lot to the table that a man wouldn’t even know unless he got to know me. Is it my problem or his?
Oh I completely get what you are saying, I can’t even look in a mirror without thinking oh.
But I will say one thing we are all very different and you should never be afraid to say hi, I made that mistake here but he eventually found me and we could not be happier.
Spent the first few weeks kicking myself though because things would have been very different should I have taken that got awful leap and said hi.
You my dear are gorgeous don’t be afraid life is for living and tomorrow is not garrenteed.
Sending love X@Lotus, yes!!! I totally agree! I’m not going to miss another day. I’m going to enjoy what I have right now. No more regrets!
Nocturnal Wonderland,
I remember that sketch!! I used to say in jest all the time. Thanks for sharing!I have to say there has been an incredible response to this post. Thank you everyone for posting especially saying as it leaves a person feeling more vulnerable to open up about our insecurities.
@abffan like new in nj I also loved your last line “We are out there and it’s not about preying on someone’s perceived insecurities”. This is reassuring to hear especially as a number of women here pointed out that they never believe or don.t fully trust when a “fit” man tells us he likes bigger women, This has been the bane of my life this belief for as long as I can remember.
@new-in-nj I love how been on this site has helped you overcome a lot of these negative thoughts and also I guess I have never thought about what it is that us women have to offer on this site, and the men who truly accept and even prefer us for the way we are now.@showerthoughtsrthoughts I love your outlook and must start to put that into practice “Just be yourself and if that’s not good enough for them then they’re not good enough for you”
@stegeinga Thanks so much for your post. Its lovely to hear from a mans perspective of having experienced this from both sides of the coin and sorry they didnt work out. Distance really is a pain in the ass when it comes to abf.
@galacta thanks for your wonderful words of wisdom. I love your positive outlook on things.
@38dddchocolatte I am so delighted that you have met someone wonderful and you are right if Men want to be with you and are genuine, they will make it loud and clear that they are actually attracted to you. 🙂 Maybe women (myself included) also need to do the same.
@nospiltmilk I absolutely loved your post and was brought to happy tears. If only there were more men like you in the world I would be a very happy women lol. These are the words of wisdom that I should use whenever I doubt someone in future “The way I look at it, in order to be intimidated, I’d have to know the operation of that person’s mind, how they view me, which I can’t possibly know without getting to know them.”
@drsensitive I also love your outlook that there is someone for everyone. Lol Its just taking some of us a bit longer to find them is all. lol, Also thanks so much for telling us your own personal experiences of hurt and rejection. That really sucked but the fact they said it so bluntly and within ear shot says a hell of a lot more about them then it does you.@silkymilky48 You are bloody perfect woman, no one else almost makes me pee from laughing so much as you do, lol.
@bennyd1979 sorry that you feel this way also. I know I have also been on the other side rejecting friend requests from stranger and not responding to messages but in my defence I have always had a line on my profile asking people not to message me if they live the far end of the world. Sometimes women here are bombarded with messages. I am not saying that you are guilty of that at all but if your not maybe have a read of any profile and see if you have anything in common other than abf before messaging, that way you can lead with that.
@anrhouseboy I laughed as your reference to the planet of the apes, thanks for that lol, but I also cried when you stated what it is we have possibly missed out on by not taking chances and staying within our comfort zones.
@bigpapamn4232gmail-com Thanks for your post, I loved your analogy of brain weasels and told this to my child today when he told me he was no good at soccer. Though im concerned he might now need counselling as he thinks there are little greasy, nasty, hurtful little vermin living in this head, oops , that kinda backfired on me. 🤣🤣🤣
@lotus reading your post was like a mirror image of my own life and thoughts. It was so identical I could have written the same thing. I think I need to live in the now and stop worrying so much, who knows how much of a future any of us have left.
@crumpetbubbles I am so happy for you. You dont want to spill the beans yet though by any chance, I do love to hear of a happy ending?I have typed this speedy fast when I’m supposed to be working so god knows how it reads lol. But thanks to everyone for your stories, positive affirmation’s, your experiences and everything else about you that makes you and this site so wonderful. I am away now to kick myself up the ass and rid myself of the horrible brain weasel living in my head.
A lot of men like plus size women.
Magazines with slim women are just an image for the Fashion Week!
This isn’t reality.Oscar Wilde said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
I always stepped to the finest woman in the room, and it usually worked because everyone else is too scare to speak up, the most that can happen is she turns you down, and since your already on the top shelf so to speak it doesn’t hurt or even look bad because you have the rest to choose from.
I had a women that taught me always do that, I was really a very shy guy, and she was one of my best friends niece and was as they said back in the day a Brick house as Rick James would said the girl’s a super freak, that took a liking to the shy guy and told me how to be successful with woman, we even dated a while, but military obligations made it untenable, but still friends 40 years later.
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