Narcissism

[Anonymous]

This will likely get me 🔥flamed🔥 but here goes. I came to an unpleasant conclusion today. I was seeking devotees (yes, I know it’s against the rules NOW, I cancelled all my requests to men who contacted me previously.) I’d learned how a devotee can provide tributes, gifts, funds… whatever he chooses. In the process of that, I had hoped to get to know him as a man and hopefully a friend. By inviting (wrongly) devotees, I was attempting to discover WHICH MEN were sincerely interested in me as a person and an ANR/ABF provider. I was going to create a list of devotees to meet for coffee to chat first, moving onto mutual selection of nursing partners later. It gave me some criteria by which to follow. I can’t make important nursing decisions based on hi, hello, how’s relactation going? Casual politeness is nice but not very useful or revealing.

Back to my unpleasant conclusion… I was called a NARCISSIST by an unfortunate recipient of my Devotee quest. How dare I expect anything from him for doing basically nothing. WHAT? This man wants topless intimate contact, to suck on a woman’s nipples, enjoy her breastmilk… for nothing? No personal relationship or friendship. I’ve received tons of requests to nurse but ONLY ONE GUY (Hi Ryan 👋🏻) has made a sincere effort to become a more intimate friend. Many men here expect “monogamous” ANRs. Based on what? ANR/ABF are not dating, a girlfriend, or a wife or apparently even a friend. Are the breastfeeding women on this list considered disposable? I want to be appreciated for what I have to offer. I want to feel safe, comfortable, cared about, and at a minimum a friend. Not a random pair of milk leaking boobs available to any guy who wanders by. I do not believe I am a narcissist. But the men here who expect/ demand to breastfeed yet offer nothing, what are they?

[david]

I agree.i think you make a valid point. All women should be compensated for dating men whom they find attractive or have similar things in common. I agree that a woman should get more than just a man catering to them to travel to them, host then, suckle them while the woman lays back and does nothing but gets to enjoy what she likes already. you make a valid point so if the men demanded the same things but paid “tribute” would that make you feel safe, comfortable, and cared for ?

[Anonymous]

David,

All the woman does is lie back and get to enjoy what she likes already???? How do you know? Your statement is a demoralizing, crude evaluation of any nursing woman’s contribution. Clearly you have no experience supporting a breastfeeding or re-lactating woman. Likely no experience with ANR either. You grossly overemphasize your very limited contribution to the ‘relationship’ you declined to put any effort into. She should remove clothing, lie back and permit any male mouth that wants to latch onto her nipples and drain her breastmilk? How is she being catered to? Breastfeeding is a tremendous amount of work to re-lactate and keep the supply up. It is painful as well (over-production, mastitis, hormone fluctuations affecting physical and mental health). But you couldn’t know or appreciate any of these challenges because it is foreign series of thoughts due to your paralyzing narcissism. Following your rather Neanderthalic level of thought; all women have vaginas. She should simply lie back, let herself be used and enjoy what she likes already? If you don’t want to travel, get on a bus and choose a nearby woman who believes as you do. It is NO WONDER that fewer and fewer women are willing to committ to ANR/ABFs. Why bother if the prevailing male attitude is exactly as you claim?
I have had a 2 year long ANR with the ex-husband. It was a challenge every day but I loved it. I felt loved, honored and appreciated for my commitment to breastfeeding. I never felt demeaned or used. I’d love to relactate and do it again. But NEVER with a man displaying your callous, self-centered, mysoginistic mindset.

[Grey]

Just curious….but do guys like being called “devotees” ??

[Anonymous]

Sunshine,
I cannot answer your question. But I can say the word devotee is used in many different scenarios. It is not slang nor disrespectful; can be applied to men or women. Devotee- noun as in ardent supporter; fan. a person who is very interested in and enthusiastic about someone or something.

[Michael_Admin]

NOTICE : Anyone trying to use ABFheaven as a means of making money …( “Devotees”, cash, tribute, gifts … whatever you call it, it amounts to the same thing) …will be removed.

ABFheaven is aimed at providing a platform for real people to form real relationships. Period.

This user account is now deleted.

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