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Piggybacking off of Foxy’s topic about what women want. I think we can all come to a consensus about red flags from guys, but what are some green ones? What are things that a man does or says that makes you consider him as a serious potential partner? This includes little, subconscious things at any stage of the relationship (talking, initial meeting, etc.).
I’ll go first. When we first started hanging out my boyfriend realized I loved the puppy chow (muddy buddy) mix from Holiday gas stations. So if I was coming down to see him, he’d make sure to have some on hand for watching a movie later. There was a region wide shortage for a while and that man called all over Fargo until he found some. He was so excited to show me when I got there. It seems like a small silly thing but having a guy remember my favorite snack and go out of his way to precure it was a big green flag for me.
Ladies, what are your green flags?
@strawberrymilk thats not silly, thats fierce cute is what that is. A green flag for me is a man who is still interested after going at a snails pace for me. Im very slow to get comfortable with men. Very few last the course before becoming frustrated, shouting, accusing me of leading them on. The ones who allow me get comfortable without pressure, they are usually worth the weight.
Oh, great post Ellie!
Before even sending a message or text, did you read her profile? Women usually write alot more than men. We say alot in there. Say something that shows you paid attention to it. Communication starts right here. And continues through conversation. It’s key to any relationship whether it’s a friendship, suckle buddies, or more
Another is the man’s profile itself. Is it limited to just a few sentences? Or does he take the time to explain who he is, likes, some personal insight?
Starting with initial messaging? Avoiding anything sexual. Begin with an actual convo, being interested who she is, what’s she about. Finding out these things are paramount. And spending time, meaning days or weeks, to converse. Avoiding asking bra size, is she lactating, etc. Let her bring it up.
Consistency & reliability. It’s huge with me. Example- Do you take time to text or send a message or call? If you can’t, explain may not be able to but will as soon as you can. Another would be consistency in what you say. We Remer stuff you said weeks ago. Does what you say overtime add up?
Manners & good character. I had several convos with a guy before meeting on a date. At that point, he was looking really good. Then on the date he was great to me me but was an a-hole about the service. Snide remarks about the staff. Its a red flag. But as a green flag, we notice this stuff. Open doors, walk on the street side, the way you treat others. Good manners & character is sexy af
Being respectful is another green flag. We all have boundaries. When someone respects it and doesn’t push, it’s great. Appreciating a lady’s individuality & limits is a big green flag. Respecting boundaries makes us feel safer, which as women is a huge thing. It helps us feel supported and safe to being open.
You ladies have mentioned a lot of great green flags, I’ll add to the list.
Having an actual conversation! It’s not a rapid fire, ask all the questions to check the boxes. A conversation allows both parties to speak and WAIT for a reply before asking the next question. Not all conversations are good but when it works, yay. Also every topic doesn’t HAVE to be about ANR/ABF/lactation/breast. We want to get to know you as a person and you should want to get to know us.
Being supportive of the lactation journey. Sometimes we have down days too and can be hard on ourselves. It’s nice when my partner or friends are genuinely interested in the progress. I enjoy talking to the men who are supportive, not know it alls who’ve never helped someone induce or men who think milk is over flowing after a few days.
A green flag for me is someone who shows equal effort and interest. Who shows me they are paying attention to the conversations we have had.
Another green flag is when they can discuss a diverse field of topics and want to. If we are messaging from here, it’s pretty safe to assume we are both into ANR/ABF so talking about it outside of basics (how long into, any past partners, any current partners), any other conversation seems like leading for sexting. If he can meet me in a variety of topics, that goes a long way.
Asking questions that aren’t just to fill out a checklist! Collecting data makes me feel icky. When you ask questions about the conversations (that aren’t anywhere based in ANR/ABF) that further the conversation and not just yes or no questions, that tells me you are getting invested in me as a person, not me as a pair of breasts.
Someone who honestly wants to know how my day was and not just asking for small talk fulfillment. If I feel like I’m just going through the motions, there’s not a connection here.
Someone who respects my boundaries and doesn’t “test” them to see how far they can push me!
I’m sure there are others, but off the top of my head, these are the few I came up with.
I absolutely love a man with a plan. I like respectful and honest. When they dm, ask for your number, text, actually call you, and actually have a date, dinner and activity planned! This time of year , dinner , Christmas lights, zoo, a play, coffee and walk around downtown! The fact that they actually want to spend time getting to know me! Opening the car door, sitting in the restaurant where they can watch the door, walking on the outside of the street, good manners! Those things melt me !
Green flag, mentioning something from my profile that is not ANR/ABF related. It shows he has actually read it, even on “regular” dating sites this is very important. Do not bolt out of the gate and talk about my appearance, it’s nice to know that a guy wants more than to just fuck you.
People think that asking about someone’s day, week, or weekend is a good message, but it’s really not. The truth is, it’s a message that takes no effort. The sender doesn’t really give a shit and the recipient isn’t likely to tell the truth; most people do not want to be a Debbie downer.
I’ve had 3 actually relationships with men I met online, and all 3 of them took the time to compose a meaningful first message.
Green flag, consent. Something those 3 men also had in common. Not one of them assumed I would be ok with being hugged or kissed, they all asked first.
Green flag, a willingness to show vulnerability. Be yourself, your true self, even if you’re cheesy or nerdy, and especially if you’re a dick. No one wants to be 6 months in and wondering who it is they are really with when the real you starts to show.
Wonderful topic Ellie!
Green flags have been:
-paying attention to what I wrote in my profile (for example being single)
– happily using the communication platform I feel is safest for me (safety is an important consideration for me, I won’t communicate in a way that feels unsafe)
– moving slowly, a real connection takes time
– being respectful and not sexual (flirty is great, sexual with a stranger, not so much)
– maintaining consistent contact
– sharing elements about their life, not just breast desiresGreen flags
-Actually wanting an ANR. I get alot of attn from those that claim they want it , but they truly don’t. Infact they want to “try it out and see what it’s about ” I work alot. I don’t want to waste time on someone who, decides he isn’t into it but just rather “play with boobs”.
-communicating daily or close to it. Life is busy,I respect that.. but showing interest in my life beyond anr is important. It means you see more then just my boobs.
– respecting my boundaries. Asking permission for hugs goes along way. It means you respect my fear, and vulnerability with sharing something so deep like this.
– not making it about you (the guy) getting off. I get it. It can be very sexy. But my mindset is not alwaya sexual. It is very calming and comforting and I crave the same mindset
– when he tells me, he can’t stop thinking about beginning the journey with me. Offers to provide any kind of emotional support, financial support in regards to the lactation journey.
Thanks for all the input ladies! 💚😊
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