- This topic has 30 replies, 24 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Better to be upfront and kind. It’s not your responsibility how they take it but it should be your responsibility to be open and honest about how you feel. Rejection sucks but most people would rather be rejected than lied to or ghosted.
Deb I understand your feelings. I too hate to hurt someones feelings who has been polite and right after I get there picture. Let’s face it, we all know what it means when I say “you’re not my type”. You’re unnattractive! And no one wants to tell someone that! And it feels horrible.
I don’t really know of a better way than that though, except to make up some white lie to save thier feelings which I have done.And frankly I’m some what saddened by all the people who responded with a “well that’s there deal/problem/whatever” etc. There’s so much callousness in that and on this site sometimes. I hear so much on here about connection and the beauty of abf, looking for someone kind to connect with, and then to hear all this. No wonder we’re having such a hard time meeting each other.
Maybe try being in the other persons shoes and be a little kinder with them like Deb.
I speak from experience and usually get ghosted or blocked. I’d rather the person is honest with me so I can move on . I’d had it on this site as well as others . It’s just plain rudeness to do that IMO .
I agree completely ghosting someone or blocking them when they haven’t been rude or disrespectful is extremely rude. More so than hearing “You’re not my type”.
I’m sorry, I don’t think we would be a good fit, but thank you for your interest and kind words, I wish you well on your journey. Then if they persist you should feel no remorse in blocking them.
much better to be told your not my type, i’d rather that, than not get a reply back at all, which is what normally happens.
Sending a photo with the first message, then puts pressure on the woman to reciprocate with a photo, immediately. I prefer to chat with someone and get to know them before sending my picture, rather than doing it because they sent me one.
I find all this talk very interesting. Especially the responses by Deb. I agree with TJ. As a person who was blacked my her without making contact with her is hurtful. I have a picture on my profile, use my real name(no deception) and always respectful. The rejection can be tolerated. The blocking or ghosting leaves the feeling of “Did I do something wrong?”
No one is the caregiver of another’s feelings. It isn’t your responsibility to sugar coat or cuddle someone emotionally when you just aren’t interested. It’s called Life. I wish you well and consideration is sweet.
Even on Fetlife, this is everywhere. There is actually no way or a wrong way to say it. Just say it as it is. IF the person can’t get over it, there must be someway to “BLOCK” people on here?
I cannot understand why so many people think “you’re not my type” is an appropriate response. Why are so many people so surface. the real character of a person, honesty, loyal, pleasant personality, loving cannot be expressed by a photo. Why would it hurt to have a cup of coffee with someone and have a real conversation. You might be surprised that there is a connection after all.
You may not think “you’re not my type” is inappropriate, however, the reality of it is that no one owes anyone anything at all. This includes an explanation, cup of coffee, a conversation, absolutely nothing. Telling someone you’re not my type is better than ghosting someone, but still not required. I personally tell someone if they are not my type, I and I’m sure many women on this site do not give into people that try to pressure them into something they are not interested in. Good luck with your sense of entitlement.
A simple “you’re not my type” is perfectly fine. You cannot control the way anyone will feel, do not let anyone guilt you into feeling bad for not being attracted to them, everyone has their preferences, and that is their right. At the end of the day your needs and wants are what is important to you. The end goal is to find someone the meets your needs and wants and you be able to do the same for them. Compromising only results in 2 people that really don’t care for each other and have no desire to nursing or any other form of intimacy.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.