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In thread after thread, there’s been so much harsh talk about men and their ways here recently.
* Implications that 25% of men are rapists or have attempted rape!
* They talk about an emotional connection, but that’s a smoke screen: they just want sex!
* Why are they always just asking about my boobs!? What about the rest of me!?
* Ugh! More dick pics!Yes, yes, men absolutely are dogs! Millions of years of evolution has indelibly forged that deep into our nature. But most of us are capable of rising above that.
Take steps to protect yourself, of course, but then take a deep breath and relax a little, or all the harsh talk will result in a destructively-hostile environment that will benefit no-one.
Most of us aren’t that bad. Some of us are even kind of great to have around now and then. Maybe focus on the good for a while?
If you aren’t one of these men, maybe instead of making a post to claim that, be an ally for women against those men who are? Obviously there’s enough negative things happening that men don’t experiences that women are saying do. To simply say “not all men” is really making women look like we are all uptight and unreasonable when many of us are just trying to figure out either how to prevent them from happening, or trying to find the best ways to get the men we want.
While I’m sorry you feel like you’re being targeted, don’t diminish the experiences that women have actually had and are trying to either bring awareness to or trying to effect a change. If you don’t do these things or aren’t contributing to the problem, then you can be assured it isn’t you being discussed. That leaves you open to provide support, which is a far better option than this post that doesn’t make you look very good either.
I don’t feel targeted (quite yet, anyway), nor am I trying to downplay what women go through.
What I feel is an increasingly chilly environment. One that I can’t respond to – no matter how politely and reasonably – out of fear that I will be pounced on or “cancelled,” etc.
Without diminishing what women experience, undue hostility towards men is exactly as harmful as hostility towards women.
Well I can only speak from my own experience and since you directly called me out by topic here, I will state, I never brought up the using of emotional connections for sex by guys. A guy actually did that. I simply followed that conversation by stating that wasn’t okay. It isn’t okay because it deceptively coerces consent. I stated numerous times in my posts that I am trying to discern exactly why guys are saying they are looking for an emotional connection when they show they are really looking for a physical.
Before you blame someone for something, make sure they really did that. I did not, but you were perfectly happy to put me on blast in a false accusation.
I didn’t call you, or anyone, out. I’m also not calling out the falsity of any claims. To the contrary, I admitted, with emphasis, that “men are dogs,” even.
I’m only calling out the general tenor of a number of recent threads, and how, cumulatively, it’s becoming too oppressive to be healthy for this discussion board.
I haven’t seen any of those threads lately.
I think you’re both right 💗❤️
@ Dr Sensitive
I disagree completely. Women are fully entitled here to discuss their concerns and experiences, in any way they want. It’s not anyone’s place to tell them not to, or try and diminish their experiences in any way.
If you feel this isn’t healthy, it’s your problem. No one is forcing you to participate here.
You say women have rights. True! But can’t someone also say “this is getting uncomfortable”?
Rights or no rights, an environment that starts to feel hostile or chills participation is contrary to the putative purpose of this forum – supporting individuals and couples interested in this practice.
Maybe my memories are rose-colored, but I say let’s get back to the mutually supportive environment that we once had.
I think I am one of the fortunate ones. Most of my interactions here on this site have been respectful, polite and humorous. Yes, some conversations fizzled out, some are still going strong, and some never went anywhere.
Do I get guys who do things or say things who I would rather not? Yes. But all in all, at least for me the pendulum swings towards the pleasant and amicable interactions.
Have I found my one? No. Have I found a community that I like and happily identify with? Yes.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
These women want men to understand what they endure in their lives, and what’s not acceptable to them. The number of men they come in contact with that are oblivious to their feelings compels them to speak out. I for one feel fortunate that I get to hear what they say.
Edit: And I fully believe this enhances the community and makes it stronger.
Rose, that’s the kind of positive messaging that really shines here!
Thanks! 🙂
Imho and this probably will not go down well with most the women but i am a typical stubborn Irish woman who says what i believe and stands up for that as well.
Yes like Dr Sensitive i feel the site has gone off course a little lately. Blame it fully on men if you want (and by god they arent innocent) and it makes you feel good but i also notice the quality of some of the women has gone downhill a bit too. There are women here who do anything and everything for a slithering of attention which some men think that this is normal acceptable behaviour or that the rest of us will accept the same. By the way we wont!
The best thing that happened on this site was losing the number of followers women had and i feel that worked, for a while. But these women still exist and IMO they never went away and its almost like an unspoken competition. Its my opinion that SOME of these women encourage the small minority of vile men that would normally be kicked to the kerb to keep going and therefore ruin the site for all.
Again not all mem or women but a small few.
@ Juicyboobies
Yes, as I’ve said recently we have seen here an increase in what I call bad actors, both men and women. It’s unfortunate but inevitable as a website becomes more popular.
All we can do is try to be respectful to those we come in contact with. And shun those who aren’t respectful to us and others here.
I know that I’m very assertive with my opinions on a variety of subjects, and I want to sincerely apologize to anyone I may have offended in any way.
@Dr Sensitive
From the negative statement standpoint Dr, I believe that’s the reflection of the individual’s limited education, background, and environment. A lot of unhappy people simply feel better when they place blame for their unhappiness on someone else or another group. When visiting this site, I try to keep in mind objectivity, human nature, and the fact that one can not make all of the people happy all of the time. There will always be “that” individual that whines, complains, or is dissatisfied with anything they can find to whine and complain about.
I’ve never met anyone disrespectful on this site, nor have I encountered any disrespectful comments or messages, but then again, I believe in being selective with whom I discuss things with. I’m neither over eager to satisfy someone because I’m lonely or desperate, nor do I discuss things with people I have nothing in common with. I approach most of my interactions like turning left with a green light and arrow. If the lights yellow with a green arrow, you’re probably best to look to make sure you’re not going to get hit by oncoming traffic.
A little proactive thought goes a long way in communication and it works both ways.
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