- This topic has 14 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 2 weeks ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Good communication requires depth, vulnerability and being able to engage with difficult or uncomfortable conversations. Today I need to share this post as the last few weeks I have been feeling a rather bitter after-taste due to being a good communicator, establishing boundaries for self-care but also willing to talk about things that need to be discussed from a place of love and not through an argument. I am not perfect friends, but deeply flawed albeit aware of all my flaws and someone who works hard at becoming the best version of myself, so I am hurting a little friends. Some of you know this as I’ve had a few chats privately and having to make some hard decisions once again in my life.
Talking about things we’d often rather not is necessary in all relationships; at work, with family, friends, significant-others and with those we hold dearest in our hearts. We cannot build when we avoid things that must be talked about, or if we consider such talks as “arguments”. We need to discuss and acknowledge those “elephants” in the room when they come, because when they DO come, they will be like a bull in a China-shop or worse, if we pretend they are simply not there, destroying anything we have built with someone while we are forced to watch powerless. This is how I feel today, and as this is a community dating site for finding our other half, it is with a heavy heart I write this post. It just happens too often, to all of us, even to me, and that white elephant has been with me for a while now, so I need to make peace with it and have a conversation that is both needed and unwanted.
Worst part is that I have had a few of these conversations, which are meant to be constructive and lead somewhere, but it feels like I am banging my head against the wall, as they are being taken as attacks. We all have issues, especially at this point in life (40s onwards), wounds and baggage that we carry but putting our heads in the sand like an ostrich isn’t the way to make them go away. Indeed, some never will, which is why I studied psychology, as Jung put it, like complexes, those we never get rid of.
However, I need to state at this point that it takes courage and strength to have these conversations, and if someone is willing to do this with you, please realise what a gift it is. Don’t let ego get in the way of what could be a beautiful thing. None of us are perfect, and sometimes we do not realise that we are indeed living “with an elephant in the room”, or refuse to acknowledge it as we don’t know what to do. Put it this way, if a person didn’t care, they’d just walk away and not bother to share, open up, and initiate a difficult conversation. It takes “guts” to do this…so next time someone you care about tries to bring up a deep and heavy conversation that perhaps you’d rather not have, please have the courage to join them. Those conversations and difficult moments are what hold the bricks 🧱 of all relationships together in all areas of your life and get you to those great times you cherish ❤️
Well said and packed with so much truth.
Beautifully said!
I couldn’t agree more. Always here to chat to you know. It takes a good guy to actually sit down and listen. X
Dear Elayne,
First of all, thank you very much for this post.
I absolutely value communication, irrespective of whether it is considered to be good or not by anyone. The reason is simple: I cannot see all the aspects of an issue due to several reasons such as lack of knowledge, background information or experience.
Therefore, I like listening to others without any judgement when discussing something.
Your post is mainly theoretical, and I am convinced that more stress should be put on practice.
From this point of view, what I miss in your post is some concrete examples of flaws and of how to avoid them, especially when talking about things that should be discussed from a place of love and not through a heated argument.
Don’t take me wrong please. I value your post very much and I only encourage anyone to follow the principals you posted.
I hope very much that my post was not an attack, that was not my aim.
If so, accept my sincere apology.
You are kindly requested to continue this activity.
Warm regards,
JozsefThank you friend (hug to you and thanks for the comment and reading!)
Indeed Steve, indeed, although that doesn’t make them hurt any less. I am an INFJ…so a real feeling type. Thank you friend!
Thanks Jamie! I appreciate you reading and commenting, and your patience and friendship.
Thank you friend, you are right, although this wasn’t meant to be an article (the blog is for that), but just a quick post but you are totally right so here goes…
Every rose has its thorns…here’s to walking away from all not meant for us
It began with a wish. A forgotten one, resurrected over Christmas in a late-night heart-to-heart with my best friend. She wished for me what I had long buried. And the universe, in its own way, listened. The New Year arrived with a gift—unexpected, full of promise, perhaps even fated.
Except it wasn’t.
Sometimes, we ignore our intuition—not out of desperation, but because we’re finally ready. Ready to give, to receive, to believe. And that’s when it stings the most—when we realize that the other person isn’t. That they are not healed, not present, not capable of meeting us where we are.
Today, I had a hard conversation with a man who could have been my soulmate. After nearly a year of knowing each other, we tried, despite distance, despite odds. But love—real love—isn’t built on almost. Without going into details he wasn’t emotionally available and was an avoidant which is why communication was an attack and did not want to engage. But I brought up the difficult talk, using “I feel” rather than blaming statements after leaving a few days of distance for both of us to calm down and have some clarity. It takes two to tango, and he just wasn’t willing or ready, despite whatever he said, his actions NO LONGER matched his words.
So I walked away. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to.
Because settling isn’t an option. Because love should be deep, open, fearless. And because I still believe. Always. Because I still believe in love…
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.