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I know my experience on here isn’t unique but after chatting to most women near me on here I find the following happens:
– Responses slow down
– Responses stop
– They don’t want to tell you anything about themself, but want to know all about you, want you to send them pics
– Extremely secretive, to the point that it borders paranoia
– Have unrealistic expectations
– Boring conversationNow I don’t know if people have been on here for so long that they have developed this unrealistic dream scenario of ANR/ABF, but it’s incredibly frustrating to not speak to people who seem ‘real’. I’m not referring to catfishing, but people who are realistic about this and give an impression that they have a life outside of ANR/ABF/Suckling.
What has your experience been like?
Curious to hear from both men and women.
It’s been historic for men to have difficulty locating a partner. It’s all about patience; even for women.
After being attacked by the newbie poachers when I first joined, I still had to navigate those awful conversations. It just shows their is no compatibility, take the L and keep it moving.I’ve noticed a lot of people join expecting to secure a session immediately like this is Tinder; many have unrealistic expectations. When sharing such an intimate moment, don’t you want to get it right versus forcing something.
Know when to fold them, It doesn’t hurt to end conversations too. Especially when there isnt any compatibility or long lulls. I prefer close/end conversations “Hey,this conversations isn’t going anywhere. Thank you for your time, I wish you all the best in your search.”I agree with everything that Bella eloquently said. I would add that it is also what you make of it, just like most things.
You have to understand that for women, there are a lot of predators on here of all kinds that we experience. Women encounter a lot of men who will say anything to get at their breasts, so a little empathy goes a long way.
Also being very clear about what you’re looking helps, because there are so many different desires around abf. That way there’s no second guessing intentions.Dear all,
Thank you for starting this discussion topic. Yes I do agree lots of emotions with the interactions. A) frustration dealing with a lot of what was mentioned above. B) Patience is key but very difficult. I say this because I have noticed that for many of the members here, due to various reasons, the ABF/ANR partner search has been going on for years.
In my experience, when something happens for such a protracted period, with wrong turns, halts and bad experiences, it sort of conditions us to expect the same thing and not give it our 200% as we do if the experience was the first one. This is true of men and women and probably because of the human tendency to avoid hurt and rejection. In several ways, these past bad experiences may make us less likely to open up and let the new person in completely without preconditions, prejudging etc.
I agree with most of what sunny said. I do try to remind myself that many women have had bad experiences and are just trying not to repeat it and cover their bases. Some conversations I’ve had went nowhere. Unfortunately the women I connect with the most live way to far for me to ever meet up with them.
It has been quite an experience for me. I enjoy making new friends. Especially those that share this same interest as much as I. Luckily I have chatted and befriended woman from across the seas and across America. While far apart in distance we have remained friends even though it isn’t realistic to meet. I’m grateful for these friends. Chatting with them helps me along in my search for the true relationship. That has been my experience.
Look man you have to face don’t hard facts. Just look at the activity on here. A cursory glance shows that the men outnumber the women by an order of magnitude. That alone puts you squarely behind on this game. Strike one. Also take into consideration that when you show women random pictures of men, women consistently rate 70+ % of men as below average. That’s strike two. Lastly consider that we all here pursuing what is no doubt a rare kink…. Well you get the picture. All I know to tell you is cast a wide net and hope against all logic.
I agree with @jayd about casting a wide net. This site is nice, straight forward and very proper.
The inconsistent convos and raunchiness will definitely occur but not everyone is on this site. Join some other sites and kik groups, however it comes down to how much work you want to put into locating a partner.
If you don’t have patience and perseverance, it ain’t gonna happen for you. Put yourself in the woman’s place before you whine about why you’re not having any success finding a partner, then examine your approach. I’m betting it’s not setting women on fire. Maybe you have some serious looking at yourself and all that you’re doing.
I’m guessing your problems start with you.I could write a book on this topic. I’ve been pursuing am ANR/ABF partner for 6+ years.
While the ratio of men does outnumber women there is a common theme with men based on my personal experience & what I have heard from other women.
Men flake out.
The only thing I can equate it to is a feeding frenzy or similar.
We make an online connection with a man.
We communicate in writing with that man.
We think we are getting to know the man, growing & nurturing that friendship.
As things evolve enthusiastic talk from both, progresses of meeting.
Then….BAM. Something happens, generally just prior to meeting.
I cannot believe anyone when they say they want to meet me anymore, even when I have it in a message. It’s in writing, so I know I didn’t imagine it.
Apparently there is a LOT of flirting & talk of meeting without the intention of ever meeting.
There is also a LOT of attention seekers & time wasters.
It is not limited to this site, it is all “match making” or online site that “connect” people.
It’s not the responsibility of the Admins of any site, per se. Y
et if you receive unwanted attention or conversation that you do not encourage I would suggest asked the “person” to cease.
You can also block them, as well as email the Admin of the site so they are aware of the situation.n
I cannot even tell you how many “men” have asked me to meet them, make plans, only for them to be broken or be stood up.
I’ve been seeking an ANR/ABF partner for the better part of 6 years & very little success yet. (While I did take a “break” during the worst times of the Pandemic, I never deleted my profile)>
I’ve heard excuses from:
“I’m married & I can’t meet you.” (Told me he was single).
“My laptop & cell phone was stolen from the backseat of my car when I stopped to get gas.” (on the way to the restaurant we were meeting.). I didn’t hear from him for 3 months & it was to tell me that.
“I don’t know why I joined the site, I have social anxiety & other issues. I thought it would be a good way to work them out.” (Told to me the day before we were supposed to meet).
Complete ghosting, I was supposed to meet a man this time last year. I heard from him two days before we had plans. I’ve never heard from him again. He is active on a site but has never made contact with me in any way, hope or form.
This isn’t all of them, but a snippet.
However, it gives everyone an idea.
Sharing these certainly aren’t my proudest moments, sigh.
However I wanted to let those of you reading this thread try as much as you can not to take it personally.
It’s not you, it’s them.
Most of them I spoke to on the phone.
You can get a Google Voice number (if they are still available) to call from that number & using Video Chat like Zoom, FaceTime or any of the many other’s is a way to verify them.
If they say they can’t connect with you via some means of video chat/conferencing in this day & age, I would be extremely hesitant & feel uneasy about meeting them.
It’s disappointing that people cannot be sincere or authentic.
This type of connection is not conducive for a long duration online situation, the ultimate goal is to meet to determine if there is chemistry & desire to proceed forward.I want ANR and I crave the intimacy. I really want to experience that kind of closeness and bond. But I’m inexperienced and shy and nervous.
I’ve met and talked to some men on here, who are nowhere near me, that have made me feel comfortable and safe asking questions and opening up about what I really want.But I’ve also had more than one guy, in proximity to me, literally stop messaging and block me mid sentence after I sent a pic or said something that indicated I wasn’t what he was looking for. (I mean I’m not a supermodel, but I’m not an unattractive woman. Is it really so hard to say “sorry. You’re not my type.” Before disconnecting?). These experiences have been upsetting… and I have taken some time away from here when they have.
This — like a lot of regular dating sites — can be brutal. And given ANR is such an intimate experience, that I think for many people can make them feel vulnerable, it’s hard to know exactly how to connect and build trust.
I definitely have doubts whether or not I’m doing this right. I just want a partner who I want and who wants me, and who I can feel comfortable with. And there isn’t an easy way to find that.
I really do wish as a matter of etiquette that people would say least day goodbye before ghosting. You really don’t even have to explain why really, other than just say you won’t be messaging back Abby more. You can be polite about that things. Most aren’t. Perhaps it’s because we have become so adverse to the slightest confrontation.
I think the main and most important thing is just to be authentic and honest about yourself.
There’s such a wide range of kinks and individual tastes even within the ABF community.
From a male perspective it isn’t possible to cater for every woman’s desires – what turns some on, may well turn others off. Even being a gent isn’t what all women want.
Just stay in your authentic lane and be prepared to be rejected plenty (those would never work out anyway), and be ok with that. Don’t take it personally.
For those of us that have been fortunate enough to experience and know what ABF / ANR is all about, and being very sure of our desire for it, it is also worth remembering that many haven’t had that reference point, and are just starting out in their exploration of it. So it’s worth being mindful that some may be doing this exploration with a degree of guilt / shame / moral conscience if they’re exploring it without an existing partner’s knowledge or consent. It’s easy for those to be drawn into the allure and idea of actually acting out what has only been a fantasy or desire for them so far, but when the reality of meeting is in front of them, it becomes overwhelming. Those new to it may also rush the process of getting to know the potential partner properly first and rush headlong into becoming too intimate too soon. It is somewhat surreal to possibly have seen a woman’s bare breasts before getting to know her. Doesn’t mean just because her breasts are attractive, that there’d be compatibility on other important levels.
I think these factors possibly contribute to people getting cold feet and either ghosting or standing others up right at the point of meeting.
Life also gets busy and everyone has their personal challenges. At times those can overwhelm even a deep desire for ABF / ANR.
From a personal perspective, being single, and sure of my desire for ABF / ANR, means I’m genuinely available to build a relationship. I’m not naive enough to believe all are in the same place.
So those that ghost or stand you up, aren’t in the same headspace. Don’t take it personally as it’s more about what is going on in them than you. If you’re rejected, accept that the other doesn’t see you in the way you might see them.
Of course this opinion comes from the perspective of someone seeking a long term relationship. There are many variables there too with some wanting non-sexual, no strings attached, casual ABF. Their perspective is likely different.
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