Consent and Boundaries

[Bella]

Prior Post about Safety

This post goes along with the safety post from a few months ago. With an eagerness to have a session be safe and know what you are consenting to.

What is consent?
Permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. A conscious decision by a person to engage in a mutually agreed upon activity.
Consent is given freely, clear, sober, specific, having equal power/control, it’s reversible/revocable. Saying yes to one act does not mean you consent to other acts.

Consent is not
Flirting
Silence
Dressing suggestively
Saying yes or nothing while under the influence
Feeling pressured to agree
The absence of “No”

An acronym for Consent
FRIES

Freely given- Both parties have the freedom to say yes or no.
Reversible- Anyone can change their mind at any time.
Informed- Both parties know exactly what they are consenting to every time
Enthusiastic- Both parties should be excited and interested in what is happening. If not, it is ok to stop.
Specific- Individual act requires consent, even if done before. (If one party is having conflicting feelings about an act that was done in the past, there should be a conversation about moving forward with the act).

Adult nursing may not be the only kink or fetish some on the site are involved in. In the lifestyle, other acronyms are used for consent are:

Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)- A checklist and agreement to anything you do within the lifestyle
Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink (RACK)- All Parties know that there is risk involved, they know what these risks are and should fully consent before participating
Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK)- Each individual is personally responsible for their kink. Informed means that you understand what is about to happen – risks and all. The idea is that if you take personal responsibility for yourself and you’re informed, now you can truly consent

In the US, there are laws regarding consent, here are a few sites for laws and support. If you are in another country, please feel free to share your laws and/or sites.

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
Consent Counts- NCSF

How does your state define consent?
RAINN- Consent Laws by State

What are you consenting to specific to nursing/breastfeeding?
Even “dry” nursing can produce clear liquids intermittently over time. Have a discussion about the following:
Medications- opiates, benzodiazepines, cardiac medications, antibiotics (It can come through in low levels but best you know)
Drugs- Illicit substances and Marijuana
Supplements
Illnesses (both parties you are in close contact)- Infections, diseases, viruses

Physical touch; where do you want to be touched?
Above the waist only
Anywhere
Face/head/hair

What type of affection?
Kissing
Hugging
Sex
Cuddling

What level of sexual affection/intimacy do you want?
Sex; penetration
Mutual Masturbation
Solo Masturbation
A non-sexual session and what that looks like for you

Is there a level of pain associated with a session?
Does your partner like to be rough with breasts or want you to be rough?
Does your partner like to bite or want to be bitten?
Does your partner like nipple torture or want to engage in nipple torture?

How do you prefer to be dressed during a session?
Topless (man or woman)
Nursing Shirt with a nursing bra
Nursing bra only
Fully clothed
Naked
Naked but ok with your partner being clothed

This is not an exhaustive list of consent types and boundaries. If you read profiles that say one thing but the conversation is not aligning with what is requested, don’t be afraid to ask specifically what that person is wanting. Both parties have the freedom to agree or reverse their decisions at any time. Don’t find yourself in a compromised situation.

Share topics/items you’ve discussed about boundaries and/or consent that may not be present here. What are things you discuss before having a session? What things help you determine if you are compatible with your partner regarding boundaries and consent?

[Gumdrops (ToT)]

@bella3. I whole-heartedly concur with Bella. Take the time to establish a rapport of expectations before you meet anyone anywhere. And always let someone know where you are going and when to expect you back. Never feel “forced” or “cohersed” into giving out ANY personal information you aren’t comfortable giving out, be you male or female. The road works both ways.

ANR and ABF are Lifestyle choices and as such fall under a strictly observed set of guidelines and rules of engagement. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

[Anonymous]

Wow Bella,thank you for sharing the thorough, thoughtful and well written post on consent 🙏🌻

[Boudica]

Thank you Bella, great post. You laid it out clearly.

[Nick]

It’s all about good communication between two persons. All this should be part of knowing each other. Other aspect is respecting other persons boundaries and feelings.
As nursing is very intimate physically, all these factors are very important to discuss beforehand.
Safe encounters are more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

🙏🏼❤️

[Grogman 🚀🍑💙🏔️]

Thank you Bella. Very informative. I wasn’t aware of the acronyms. Silence is not consent. No means no. All good things to keep in mind. Even THEE Grogman can learn something new.😉😁

[Robin]

Thank you for sharing this very important topic, Bella. I know from personal experience how vital it is to set clear boundaries, especially when you’re trying something completely new for the first time. And if either partner ever begins to feel differently about anything, whether in the moment or on reflection, you must say so, and ask if your partner is happy with it.

For example, in a past relationship, we both wanted to merely explore suckling together, nothing below the waist. Thus, we always nursed with at least our bottom things on. But over time, our bond and intimacy grew so strong, that I once felt curious to see and feel more of her wonderful body. In the moment, I was afraid to go beyond our mutual intentions; but had I asked her if she would be comfortable to take off her things, she would likely have said yes. Of course, had she said no, I would’ve accepted her decision and continued as we were.

ABF is deeply sensual in different ways for everyone, so what each person likes to wear or take off, the level of physical contact, whether it’s nursing alone or with any sexual elements, it all comes down to communication and trust. Explain what you want or feel to your partner, and listen to them in return. You must decide together what works for you both, and never push any boundaries. Things could change over time, but it must still be a mutual choice.

[Author]

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