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Hmmmmm … I saw my future self in this comic yesterday … could there be a problem with my attitude towards women?
The woman portrayed in that comic will have no problem telling you precicely what she wants and when she wants it, you won’t have to worry about what she wants at all. That’s D/s.
Some women want the opposite of that. Some women are completely unaware of the desires of other women, there is no “what women want” out there to discover. You can only know what you want, and who does it for you. Stick to that, it’s less impossible.
D/s drifts into fetlife territory. ANR isn’t a D/s practice per se BUT, the worship of breasts is such a close shade of gray to the worship of women, there’s more D/s motives in the ANR community than not, anymore. The overlap creates a strong Domme / malesub community presence.
I for one would like an equal partner who has self awareness and internal honesty similar to my own. It’s important to me for him to communicate desires, needs and feelings and to be able to respectfully call me out when I’m being unreasonable or needing a perspective shift. There’s nothing appealing about the relationship depicted in the cartoon for me.
In the bedroom, however, I am generally submissive and find it a huge turn on for the man to “take charge”, but again in a respectful way. I’m not into bdsm and am pretty naive about lots of that, but just in a general sexual way, this is my preference.
The cartoon is deliberately over the top and more than a bit insulting to both men and women. OMG, if it was the man speaking “she gets me” in the cartoon, I guess he would be shown sitting on a throne, receiving a beer and a b.j.! (Please don’t cancel me! LOL.)
But anyway, “what do women want?” has been asked by men since time immemorial. It’s also ridiculous, since it implies that women are, in some way, all the same. Of course that’s not true; every woman (and every man) is different, at least beyond core needs for physical security, etc.
Even if you ask, “what does a woman/man want in an ANR?” one would find everyone different, just as in any kind of relationship. I do think ANR’s are uniquely interesting from a psychological standpoint, though.
I agree with HDM in that there’s nothing appealing about the relationship depicted in the cartoon for me either.
Definitely not what I want or what I know my female friends to want from a man. To be treated well, yes, of course, and that’s reciprocated to my partner.
There are those with big and typically fragile egos that crave adoration and worship, I personally stay away from those people.D/s is the biggest roadblock to connecting, in ANR especially. The default cultural assumption that females are subs, and males are doms, is often true. However, without awareness of your place on the D/s spectrum, you’ll never spot the exceptions, which are many, and varied. This is especially damming and confusing when YOU are an exception! You are often the last to know…
D/s is fundamental to the social order, it’s everywhere. Not just BDSM and sex. It’s at work, in your family, it’s the “pecking order.” The Army harnesses D/s in bootcamp; that yelling Drill Sgt is the Dom of all doms, and the soldiers are completely submissive to the machinery. Anywhere you find yourself obligated to accept another person’s decision making is effectively D/s, it needn’t be sexual to qualify.
In ANR you get lots of “sub-on-sub” confusion. Unawoken male submissives flutter to the flame of breast worship for reasons they can’t explain. In the absense of a lead, the resultant relationship has difficulty advancing any of its agendas, sexual or otherwise. Without a dominant component, personal growth is held captive in a submissive insecurity deadly embrace (each afraid to “offend” the other in order to move forward), the relationship stagnates, and eventually one or both lose their minds completely.
The only potential answer to “what women want” is actually the same as “what men want.” Everyone wants D/s. The question is how much, when, and where. If you really get off on D/s, you’re BDSM material. If you don’t understand it at all, you’re spinster material.
Ken, I don’t think your attitude is right or wrong. I you desire to be submissive as in the comic, go for it. There are plenty of partners out there for you. You might find one on ABFHeaven. I’m thinking fetlife would be better suited.
Anr to me is a equal partnership not a D/s relationship. I like to direct activity in the boudoir. Not quite bow down to your Groggy overlord level.😜 It can be fun.
In regular life equal partners for me.I think I owe the group an apology for drawing out such a serious discussion when I was trying, only, to bring some levity using a comic that made me laugh when I saw it published out in the vanilla world.
Is such a constant relationship healthy in the long run? I would think not.
Is such a periodic attitude of female worship unhealthy from time to time? I would think not.
I quite like the idea of periodically carrying the attitude of total worship and surrender to a woman who knows what she wants. And why not in an ANR when a couple temporarily abandons equality so that a woman can have her turn to enjoy being entirely in the driver’s seat?
So, sorry for drawing out such seriousness and tension … that wasn’t my intent in trying to share a smile. I’ll try to be more thoughtful in the future.
. . . . . . Ken
God Ken theres no need for apologies. I quite like posts like these that draw out peoples thoughts, experiences etc. They always give food for thought for me anyway.
We’re all adults here, I hope, and entitled to opinions and thoughts. It’s been an interesting conversation with lots of different perspectives which I have enjoyed and found thought provoking.
Lol. I kinda like this. To me it’s depicting immense respect. Something that I’ve found to be lacking from men seeking a partner but not women. I don’t know how anyone sees dom/sub? It’s a funny cartoon. People take things way too seriously on the internet these days. What I like is assertive and chivalrous. Not submissive.
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