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Looking for advice/ways to get my partner interested in suckling. A bit more context…
My partner has always really enjoyed my breasts, and I have enjoyed when he touches/kisses them in any way. And I’ve told him so. When we get intimate his mouth is on my breasts almost 95% of the entire time.
There have been a handful of occasions where we are hanging out on the couch and I’ve been topless… he ends up tired, his head in my lap, and I have brushed a nipple across his lips. He has gently suckled and fallen asleep doing this a couple of times.. but he was so tired it didn’t last long. And I would sit there still as a statue so that I could keep him latched on as long as possible.Prior to getting pregnant, my partner said he fantasized about feeding from me when I was lactating, along with baby on the other breast. I said that sounded cozy… but truthfully I was a bit uncomfortable with it, just because I whenever his mouth is on my nipple, I can get quite aroused. I never told him this though. I knew with my baby I would only want to have mothering, nurturing feelings, which was exactly my experience (and a bit of pain lol).
When my milk came in, I was instead hoping to have my partner feed on his own, so that I could have those nurturing feelings (and arousal too) but it never happened 🙁
I did invite him to try a few times when we had a moment alone, but he kind of chuckled and changed the subject or said ‘maybe later’
I wonder if that happened for a few different reasons:
1. when I first began to breastfeed I was so anxious about my milk coming in and whether baby was getting anything so I had my partner try to suckle. He was exhausted at the time but did try for a bit. After a couple minutes he thought he tasted ‘something coming’ which must have been colostrum. He seemed nervous to continue and I let him go back to sleep.
2. I ironically ended up with an overproduction of milk for most of the time I nursed, and often left the bed/my clothing etc. a bit of a mess. So when we started to have sex again, I knew I would leak all over the place. Prior to lactating, he really enjoyed when I would sit in his lap- as this meant my breasts would be in his face the entire time. But while lactating, he seemed uncomfortable with this. His face would get soaked and then he would say ‘you’re leaking a lot’ which was usually my cue to help him dry off and change positions. Sometimes my breasts would be so full and I wanted nothing more than for him to drain me, but several times he didn’t open his mouth when I (physically) offered them to him. Towards the end of when I was lactating, he started to want my nipples again so he did end up getting a bit of milk. He said he was getting used to the taste of it and that it was sweet tasting. He said ‘no wonder baby likes it’
3. I am quite slim and have DD breasts. This causes a bit of back pain unfortunately. I sometimes ask him to hold them up while on the couch, making dinner etc but it seems like a chore when I ask. Sometimes he doesn’t go along with it.
4. I nursed my baby a lot with my top completely off. It was just easier. I think my partner may have gotten used to them being there all the time… and maybe got a bit bored of them?I have since stopped lactating. I noticed that where my partner would only do quick suckles when I had milk, he has gone back to wanting them in his mouth for longer periods of time again. He has responded very enthusiastically to topless pictures/vid I’ve sent too.
It does confuse me… he said recently that he had a dream that I was leaking milk all over him and he was really excited about it.. he said he wonders if he subconsciously misses when I was lactating.
We are thinking of getting pregnant again. I have mentioned to him that I would love to feed him. He usually seems on board but I just wonder if its just what he says, like last time… I wonder if the idea of it might actually disturb him a bit, and he just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.
Or maybe he is just nervous to try something he thinks is ‘taboo?’ Is there a way I can make it taste yummy for him? Is there anything I can do to get him more interested? Even if it’s just a dry session.
I’m not wanting to feel like I’m coercing him to do something he’s not interested in… that’s unfair to him, and it takes away the pleasure of it anyway.
But I would love one of those sleepy couch suckles again. I love embracing and holding him like that, and running my hands through his hair as his eyes close. I love giving him something so intimate with my body. I love that gentle hungry tugging when he’s latched on to my breast. He relaxes completely and it’s just so sweet to watch.Any advice would be so appreciated!
I think you have already guessed why. It is probably taboo for him and makes him feel uncomfortable. Why not ask him?
If you were my partner, you would not need to write about such a dilemma.Sounds like you need to be honest with him and tell him what u want. Most guys would do anything to make their woman happy. But we’re not mind readers. I wasn’t into it at all either until my ex was engorged and in pain and wanted me to suckle. I was instantly hooked.
From what I can see, and I am no expert on relationships. But it sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a no holds barred discussion. The best way to get to the bottom of it is the both of you to lay everything out on the table. Honestly telling him how you feel and encouraging him to lay his feelings out on the table as well. Once everything‘s laid out then you guys can sort through it all and come to a consensus on how the both of you feel about it, and then hopefully find a resolution that you both can be satisfied with.
Another possibility is that he did not want to interfere with your baby getting all the milk he/she needs.
Please excuse my wisecrack in my first reply. I apologize.Thanks for sharing your situation and asking for advice. I am sure that most of us on here would support you. Again I am no expert but here is what crossed my mind.
For me there have been two distinct phases to my life as far as ABF is concerned – before and after. The first being before I “discovered” ABF I always associated breastfeeding with mother and baby because that is what society teaches. When my partner was lactating for our kids I didn’t take part because I never thought beyond that traditional mindset. The second phase has happened many years later, only recently when I chanced upon it on the internet. For me it was a lightbulb moment overcoming previous conditioning when the realisation dawned of how it can be the most wonderful thing between two adult partners.
I would agree with those above who say that you should try to discuss this with your partner. Talk through the cause of any discomfort. If you explain that there is a whole community that finds it a perfectly natural expression of human connection, then perhaps you can flick his switch too. I really hope so because you still have the chance to walk the wonderful journey together. Best wishes.
As with the above remarks communication is key. It could be any number of reasons. Ask him what changed his desire. Did you body changes during pregnancy turn him off? We’re the changes to your breasts putting him off? Did he want breastfeeding before, then realized it wasn’t his cup of tea while you were milky? Just talk about it and see what’s going on.
That’s my two cents. Good luck!🤗Thanks everyone, I’m realizing that this might be more of a communication issue than I thought… when he first proposed it, I am wondering if my initial reaction of discomfort was stronger than I remember. And then by the time he started wanting to suckle and saying he enjoyed it, I wanted to stop producing lol. Maybe we didn’t get our timing right.
Now that he’s hinting he wants it again.. I think it calls for an open and honest discussion. Maybe he just needs to hear me say it as a fantasy too, rather than just offering. Lots to think about.
This has been helpful!!I think you should tell your husband what you need, and tell him you don’t want to leave anything out, so you’ve written it all down. So if he agrees to listen, read out loud most of your letter to us, but don’t tell him it is asking for advice from others
That’s a good idea too Nate, thanks!
Wondering if he read my mind, as last night he was ‘hungry’ as he put it lol and we had quite a bit of a session. So that was a nice surprise!
But because I am wanting more consistency, I still think we need a more in depth conversation about it. It’s odd, because I’m very into it, but I often get a bit shy/embarrassed when he mentions anything to do with me nursing him/lactating… even with him sharing this recent dream of his. It’s like i get so overwhelmed with it that I feel caught off guard.
I wonder if I am still trying to normalize ANR for myself. Like others have said, I never really thought of this kind of intimacy it until my partner mentioned it.
These ideas have been helpful 🙂
@rain-bow I think both of you are the kind of partners who, at the slightest sign of discomfort or “not sure”, might write off an activity as off limits. This can be a good thing because it means you both care and respect boundaries. I also think being new parents can blur the lines between “mom” and “wife” and what to do with all those feelings in between. “Saving the milk for the baby” I think is a big factor here.
Reading through your letter I see that husband is tired many times when you want him to suckle. He might be more interested if he were not so tired, and also after telling him how good this connection makes you feel. The dream statement is a big clue 🙂 he might have truly had a dream…or…it is his way of hinting.
In my experience, the best quality men will move heaven and earth to bring pleasure to their woman. Women can often seem like a mystery, so they will grasp at the tiniest thing that they can do! to bring pleasure! The more you tell him how nursing him makes you FEEL and that you want MORE of that feeling, I think he will be on board.
Remember that nursing can produce the most intense feelings that people have never experienced before. It can be shocking and a lot to process. Loving, open communication is important so those feelings get talked about and not hidden inside. I think you both want the same thing, it’s just tough to verbalize it.I think you described us pretty well as far as trying to read each other.. we’re both the type to read a lot into gestures and facial expressions too. And I didn’t think about the fact that the couple times I’ve asked he has been tired… very good point!
I would say that you hit the nail on the head as far as intensity of feelings.. I think this is why I have that tendency to become embarrassed when he mentions it. Even though it sounds absolutely amazing. It’s just too intense to process !
But I think we can get there with these ideas. Such great advice again 🙂 thank you!!
Wow, what I wouldn’t give to have someone that interested in anr in my life. My partner treats it like a sick fetish and demonizes it.
Please keep us updated on how it goes. I’m very interested to know how he takes it when you tell him clearly what you want.
That is hard to have something you’re interested in be labelled so harshly. But if she is truly uncomfortable you don’t want to go there right now.. maybe you could ask if she would just be okay with dry suckling to start? Ask after a massage or when she’s watching a show, when she’s feeling relaxed. You could suggest that it could help both of you unwind a bit. I wouldn’t ask for it to be often either, at first. Let her see if she enjoys it.
I say this but am afraid to talk about it myself lol, so I understand a bit where you are coming from. Because I’m intimidated with the whole thing, I want to it to come up naturally. So I am going to wait to discuss until he brings it up again.
I regret the times he has mentioned it where I just said ‘yeah sure’ or ‘sounds cozy’ and just left it at that, but I felt like I didn’t want to give away how into it I was. I couldn’t even speak I was so overwhelmed lol.
I know he would do it if I asked outright and explained why, and I know it interests him quite a bit, but there is something on his end too where he is hesitant so I don’t want this to be a forceful thing. Maybe he is a bit nervous too. I think he didn’t like the colostrum but when he tried the milk that tasted better to him? I’m curious to find out. I want to make sure he is fully on board to the point that neither of us have to ask/feel nervous talking about it.
He said his favourite way to wake up is when I ‘feed’ him a nipple, so I’m going to try that more too lol!
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