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We met on this site and hit it off really well immediately. So well that I bought her a ticket to see me, which is something I promised myself I would not do again. She had promised me that she would not leave me once she got here.
Mind you, in my posts about myself and who I am looking for are as clear as I can make them regarding what I will and will not deal with.
The good news is she showed up.
The first week, I put my foot in my mouth so many times, she almost left. I pulled myself together and the second week went much better as far as our personal interactions.
The incompatibilities happened almost immediately.
She wanted to smoke, though I had explicitly stated in my interactions with her that I would not tolerate smoking. Fortunately, she didn’t.
However, she also refused to give up excessive drinking, even when I offered to provide alternative means of stress relief. I had also explicitly stated I didn’t want to be with an alcoholic.
The final straw was the fact that the man she left for me kept texting her, and she kept responding. She kept telling me how guilty she felt for leaving him. Eventually, he convinced her to go back to him.
Good lessons:
1) I got to pratice suckling and I think I now have a near-perfect latch.
2) I discovred that proper suckling can lead to a longer suckle endurance thant I thought possible. I was up to half an hour at each breast each session by the time things fell apart.
Bad lessons:
1) I am still too trusting.
2) There are, evidently, people who claim they want an ANR\ABF relationship but are really not ready for it. They don’t discover it until they are in the situation.
To top it all off, my divorce is STILL not finalized. There is a hearing I have to go to next week, but that is only to set the date for the (I hope) final divorce trial.
Final lesson:
I am not going to give up. I haven’t been looking very long and the interactions I have had so far, on this site in particular, are proving that the woman I am meant for is out there.
I am, however, exasperated and disappointed.
Wow, Corey . . . I feel for ya, Bro. Good luck with the divorce proceedings. And, ESPECIALLY, good luck with your search for the woman who you are meant to be with and with improving & extending your latch endurance even more.
Please give us an update when your divorce is final — you’ve given us some good advice that we can learn from.Sorry to hear that mate; glad to hear your suckling technique improved!
Sounds like a serious cluster eff in more ways than one.
My suggestion is to get your house in order before trying to create another,ie get the divorce over and done with.It’s really great that you really found the good in that situation and are moving forward with a positive attitude.
I agree with the above and would add. Take time to focus on you and being a parent, that’s your most important job. Time alone can be a great educator, knowing yourself is an asset to any future relationship. And boundaries, boundaries boundaries 💞
This is a good reminder that a healthy working relationship is necessary for any anr to begin to develop. Just having similar attitudes about suckling, etc. is never enough. Good luck in your processing and future search.
Sorry to hear this happened and love that you are still moving forward and trying to find what you want. However, don’t ignore your requirements. You can’t change people. Sounds like so many red flags from before she even came. Don’t ignore those in the future. They were huge flags. I understand compromise but the ones in this situation sound more like major personality traits. Good luck moving forward in your search and glad you see the positives of the situation also.
Yikes! I read this and the first thing I see is a HUGE problem. The first mistake I saw was, falling into the belief that once you 2 were together, everything will be in alignment, in every possible human way and to complicate more, there was added pressure on both of you you, that one couldn’t leave. Making a promise as huge as that, before you guys ever met is extremely risky and almost never works.
Anr is so much more then a need to nurse. You have to mentally, physically and emotionally be available.
Out of those, you had physical 50%. Lol I don’t know about you, but for me, I couldn’t cuddle an ash tray and have that odor so close to me for multiple reasons.
I am happy to hear that you saw the positive. For many, this would have ppl closing their account and swearing off ever finding happiness.
It will take a few disasters to find your match. Definitely work on your yourself snd make yourself whole.
Divorce is devastating, even in the best situations and if you have children that will only compound the difficulty you are about to face.
Keep your head up.. I wish you the best…
I’m sorry, but this isn’t your diary or a message to a friend or small group of friends. This is a public forum post to EVERY user on the site in which you outline some intimate details of your interaction with another site member.
I’ve seen similar messages from this user before about specific encounters with site members and they equally rubbed me the wrong way. This is the definition of kissing and telling.
I’m sorry that your situation didn’t work out the way you had hoped, but in my opinion what you’ve really done is signalled to other women on the site that if they choose to meet up with you and it doesn’t go well, they can expect a full play by play to be posted for all to see the next day. Outlining a person’s struggles with alcohol just seems mean. Why would anyone subject themselves to this kind of scrutiny?
You don’t name the person in question, but I still think the post itself is in poor taste. Imagine being that person and logging on and seeing this message? Probably would feel pretty rotten.
I’m not looking to start a fight, but you should probably look at the optics of what you’ve just done. Not a good look in my opinion.
Wow, Corey, I do understand. I had a similar problem with a lady I met on another site and then on this too, she was beautiful, with smokey brown eyes the kind that the movie stars of the 40s,50s, and 60s were so famous for and the way she closed her eyes when Skyping sent shivers down my spine.
She had beautiful raven-black hair with strands of gray though in her late 40s, she exuded a certain sexuality without even being trying, she was simply amazing.
We kept in touch, finally, coming to my senses and realizing that at 68 and her being 46+ I surmised the age difference was too great, and hating myself I told her we couldn’t do it, the age gap is too great. Angry and hurt she fought back but I was undeterred and cut things off.
Being someone who has always cared for others (20-year Amry Combat Medic) I had to check on her to see how she was doing, and yes I missed her greatly, every time I thought of her I just lit up, and when we Skyped my every nerve ending was firing off signals of lust, desire and a wanting for her that I had not felt in years, and yes we got back together, with her fighting off the temptation that the age difference was too great.
So taking a leap of faith like you, I too purchased an airline ticket only for her to back out at the last minute, I later learned that she had come from an abusive childhood, and had only been with abusive men. Calling and crying over the phone she told me “I can’t do it I’m just too scared”, and then it hit me, If nothing else I understood this was someone I had to at least help.
So we continued our online friendship, Skyping, emails, texts, and of course the accompanying photos.
Then one Saturday she called me up and blurted out “Would you like a house guest for a week, I can stay in a separate room?”
I jumped at the telling her I’ll get the plane ticket, “Don’t worry, I’ve got one, I’ll be in Savannah next Friday, okay?”
Separate rooms somehow ceased in the middle of the night when she climbed into bed with me telling me “Strange places scare me”, I did everything I could to keep my hands off of her being the gentleman, even though I was physically and mentally dying, understanding my predicament, she leaned over and kissed me telling me it will be okay, it was then I found out that she was naked.
So, sir, long story short the requested one-week visit turned into two with the thoughts of making it three, but she had a family to get back to as her mother was recovering from surgery.
The update is, this Saturday I am flying up to be with her for a week, to help her go through things as she wants to move down to Georgia, into her own place.
Marriage is not in the future, as she had far too many bad experiences, and I was married to the same woman, the love of my life for 43, before losing her in 2016.
So as she put it, we are going to take it slow, stay at each other’s places on weekends, or maybe (giggling) have a mid-week visitation.
So you see sir, having a good heart, isn’t always a bad thing, you sound like me, a man who cares about people and sometimes gets taken advantage of, but my friend, I will tell you right now, she is out there looking for you, the woman who will change everything the whole trajectory of your life, bringing you happiness and untold sessions of intimacy and yes wonderful period of suckling.
Stay the course, good sir, fortune favors the brave of heart, and yours is more noble than most. I wish you well.@G., I appreciate your viewpoint and understand why you think the way you do. NCguy4ABF stated it perfectly as to why I make these kinds of posts. I limit them to the most consequential of my interactions and post them with the intent to show others my mistakes, the lessons learned, and that the process is a difficult one but worth the effort. I am a beginner in all of this, and I feel it is helpful to other beginners like me to have someone telling them that everything they might experience are possibly common issues. You also have the ability to choose to not read these posts and block me from your feed if you are that offended by them. I wish you the best in your search.
@grogman, I think the universe is telling me to do exactly as you stated: get my house in order first. I will be more focused on that for sure, and the end is so close for this seemingly neverending divorce.
@btrfly, I am going to be a LOT more cautious about making and believing those promises from now on.
@veronica, she had made a commitment to abide by those requirements when she got here. Her going back on them at the last second was what got me flustered. Lesson learned to not compromise on the core boundaries set any more.@Water Lily, I am always focused on my daughter as my first priority. I will not be with anyone who cannot accept her as well. And I will not compromise my core boundaries again.
@Nipple Me Please, I appreciate your insight and advice. I truly hope you two are able to make it work. I look forward to learning about whether you do.
For everyone, I am able to maintain my positive outlook because each woman I meet in person is that much closer than the one before to matching my ideal partner. I know that once I am fully available (as in, this damned divorce process is finally done) that I will eventually find the woman who is the most perfect woman for me and for whom I will be the most perfect man.
Thanks for your support and advice, and I wish you all the best in your searches.
I like your optimism ❤️ good luck.
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