WTF? ANR is not your excuse to cheat.

ABF is Adult Breast Feeding– usually of limited, short term nature. The focus is often more sexual than relational.
ANR is an Adult Nursing Relationship — usually long term as part of an ongoing committed relationship, focus is more relational than sexual.

No relationship falls totally in one category or the other. They are like poles on a spectrum. Each participant has to decide where they are most comfortable on the spectrum and the labels exist only as a means of making communication of our personal boundaries and expectations easier– not as hard and fast categories. There is no one right way to have a human relationship, sexual or otherwise. There are plenty of wrong ways. What works for you and what you want does not automatically set the standard for everyone else. Respect and civility are good guidelines. As is open, honest communication.

I’m one of those married men you refer to in your post (THOUGH NOT THE SPECIFIC ONE YOU REFER TO, I BELIEVE). I have had both ABF and ANR partners. My situation is not ideal and I would not wish it on others. I don’t expect everyone to accept it. But, it is the best I have been able to navigate in my personal circumstances. Until the name of this site changes or the Admin sets a different expectation, I’m going to continue to assume we welcome all manner of relationships and all legal situations here. Block who you like–Especially those who show you disrespect and make unwarranted assumptions about you–but let’s offer others that same courtesy.

Not gross.
Not an immoral creep.
Just in a different place than you and looking for a different relationship than you.

With respect,
Divad

P.S. Eve, I just read your profile again. I remember enjoying it the first time I read it. It is well written and extensive. It also demonstrates a nuanced understanding of fetish/kink relationships. I feel I should not have used the tone I did with this post. I’m going to assume you were really insulted and pissed off at the guy and that bled through into what you wrote. The same is true for me after I read your forum post. So, I apologize for being condescending. I leave the original post here so it doesn’t look like I’m gaslighting. I hope we can agree cordially that we have different views on the ideal ANR relationship and leave it at that.

I’m most concerned with “community policing” by member’s.
Whom decides what is acceptable behaviour?

If it doesn’t meet the belief system of a cabal, are they banned, publicly shamed?

With female profiles on here also stating married but looking for outside abf/anr, will they be publicly shamed?

I had hoped this site was a place where there was no judgement, for an individual’s life choices, fortunately I can use the block button (have done so). However if this place is the eHarmony of breast feeding then tell me and I will delete my profile.

Eve, thanks.

Eve and Heidi,
I’ve repeatedly had similar experiences as you. It is frustrating, beyond belief, to have a married man approach a woman whose profile clearly states they’re looking for a relationship, a committed, long term relationship. By definition, a married man cannot be or attempt that….yet they repeatedly do.

I appreciate those men who clearly state their status in their profile; but most do not list it and attempt to interact under subterfuge. Unless we inquire and ask lots of questions, this issue, which is a make or break issue for many of us, doesn’t come out. They want someone on line to “stimlulate” them, or assist them in masturbation, or a f-buddy. None of which meets most of our stated search standards.

David, your characterization of ABF and ANR is different from many others I’ve found. I find it interesting that you have sex included in both of your definitions. It isn’t for everyone.

I’ve always seen ABF as adult breastfeeding, with no sexual component. ABF is done for the purposes of nursing solely. Many on here are open to just that…breastfeeding without a sexual component. ANR, however, is a longer and deeper Adult Nursing Relationship, often with sexual components…it may not have sexual interaction initially (though it may), but often does eventually.

I think the takeaway here is that communication and honesty is key….no ABF or ANR can survive without that. That means be up front about your relationships status and what you’re looking for….no subterfuge or hiding your marital status. Even if there are “valid” reasons behind your proposed infidelity, many of us have zero desire to participate and have clearly stated so in our profiles. We want someone who is fully and wholly available to participate in a relationship, a married man by definition is not.

Be respectful of the person you’re attempting to connect with. If she states she is looking for a single person, respect that. Don’t waste her time.

Communicate communicate communicate. That’s the key. They’re a lot of people here, each for their own reasons, looking for different things. Yes, some are cheating, both men and women. Personally, I find it a uncomfortable interacting with people that are cheating, but its there life. They are grown adults that have made decisions. Someone here will be a good connection for them. With that said, it’s not okay to lie. ABF and ANR is a sensitive topic and truthful communication is important. Shame on anyone that misrepresents themselves in any way, even by omission (women are guilty too.) It’s not okay to think that a trick situation is fine, just because your partner didn’t bring it up. That said, I know for a fact that there are plenty of people here that are not who they say they are, and are deceiving people for their own emotional, sexual, or financial benefit. Although it feels good to proclaim that truth is the way, you have to be on your guard. There will always be lying jerks out there. They only way to sort through you contact and find them is to communicate communicate communicate.