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I’ve joined this site hoping to find an honest, meaningful connection with someone who shares similar interests and values. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, of course, but after reading some of the comments on here, I genuinely find myself wondering what people’s purpose is for being on this site.
I’ve seen some statements questioning the authenticity of other people’s profiles. If you don’t like what someone has written, simply come away from their profile. It’s not for you to publicly question anyone’s authenticity. For all we know, your profile may not be entirely genuine either, but that’s nobody’s business but yours.
It also concerns me, or maybe it’s just my own naivety, which I’m perfectly happy to own, that some men in this group seem to believe that because they once had a massage, they are suddenly the font of all knowledge when it comes to Tantra. Tantra is not for everyone, and not everyone understands it. Even after several years, I am still learning. So the idea that a single past massage somehow qualifies someone to analyse me, my beliefs, or my intentions is frankly absurd.
I also have to question the safety of this site, and to be clear, this is my opinion and mine alone, not influenced by any other member. This week alone, I’ve received persistent messages from what I now understand are verified (paying) members.
Let me be very clear: paying for verification is not your Willy Wonka golden ticket to behave however you like. It does not give you permission to send messages that I would interpret as harassment, especially when the tone of your questioning feels more like an interrogation than a conversation.
And yes, I’m fully aware there is an option to block members, and I’ve used it. But let’s be honest, unwarranted, unhealthy messages shouldn’t be sent in the first place. Blocking shouldn’t be the solution to behaviour that shouldn’t be happening at all.
Another thing that raises a concern is the desperation from some members who seem willing to drop everything and travel anywhere at the drop of a hat. Not only does it come across as unsafe, it comes across as desperate. Perhaps take a moment to reflect on how that behaviour looks from the outside. I’m starting to understand why some people aren’t making the connections they think they should be.
If anything I’ve said offends you, then perhaps I’ve touched a nerve.If you’re being hassled block them but also contact Michael(admin) and report them, the site does not need people that do that, don’t take it. Michael actually has posts up advising what to do in these situations.
Robert Baffert…..And yes, I’m fully aware there is an option to block members, and I’ve used it. But let’s be honest, unwarranted, unhealthy messages shouldn’t be sent in the first place. Blocking shouldn’t be the solution to behaviour that shouldn’t be happening at all.
💯 agree, but I would stand by what I say, block the shit of them and report, they’ll be gone from the site and you’ll be doing a service. No place for it, try not to let it bother you but I appreciate that’s easier said than done
Unhealthy messages shouldnt be sent in the first place, I agree entirely, but that isn’t just exclusive to abfheaven. I’m on a number of sites and it happens on every single one of them and has since the dawn of the Internet. You will never weed it out, some people have no manners and never will.
Also I’ll point out that the safety of the site has nothing to do with verified members, these are two totally different situations, Michael has no way of knowing if someone will harass you just because they are verified. They are verified because they paid the fee, you cannot do background checks on everyone and if you find a site that does by all means let us all know.
Of all the sites I’m on this is the best, Michael takes a very proactive approach to harassment and will delete accounts when necessary. Other sites I’m on I never get so much as a response from admin.
However, as someone who has been using sites for a long time, you are in for a lot of stress, upset and hardship if you cannot deal with unwanted messages, you cannot control the messages you get, but you can control how you deal with them and how you let them affect you.
I agree with Roberts message. The block button is my best friend.
Good luck on your journey, I hope you find what your looking for.
Thanks for your response Juicy. I completely understand that unwanted or unhealthy messages happen across many sites, the internet has always had its fair share of people who don’t behave well.
My point, though, is simply this, they shouldn’t be happening in the first place. I work in an environment where I deal with unhealthy behaviours every single day, so I’m more than capable of managing them when they appear. It isn’t about my ability to cope, it’s about the fact that people shouldn’t be sending inappropriate messages at all.
I also appreciate that verification and safety are separate issues, and I’m not expecting background checks. I’m just highlighting that the behaviour itself is the problem, not my response to it.
I’m glad to hear the site takes harassment seriously, that’s reassuring. But I don’t think the responsibility should fall solely on individuals to “just deal with it”. Blocking is useful, yes, but it doesn’t excuse the behaviour that leads to blocking in the first place.
Thank you again for your perspective. I genuinely hope the culture across all sites continues to improve so that people can interact respectfully without needing to constantly manage other people’s poor behaviour.
I don’t know how to say this in a way that helps you.. like juicy said it happens as a lot happens in life.. the only thing we can control is how we react to something. For eg you did make a critique on my post in the forum but I am not going to react to it.. we all can express ourselves and that’s our right ❤️
For eg you did make a critique on my post in the forum but I am not going to react to it.. we all can express ourselves and that’s our right ❤️
Where does your name appear in this?
I’ve seen some statements questioning the authenticity of other people’s profiles. If you don’t like what someone has written, simply come away from their profile. It’s not for you to publicly question anyone’s authenticity. For all we know, your profile may not be entirely genuine either, but that’s nobody’s business but yours.
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