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Sometimes on reddit, or even here on ABF heaven men will slide in the DMs without photos. Which is sus on a dating app… I digress.
We chat and when it comes to exchanging photos… Well the attraction isn’t there. The conversation is great, but I can’t really keep the same energy if I am unable to see myself under them (if you get what I mean).
How do you go about that? Would you as a man (or woman) like an honest answer? How do you address this with sensitivity?
I don’t want to be rude about it looks aren’t something you can really change in 5 minutes, you know?
I appreciate the honesty sure it’s disappointing but that’s life. You were honest with me and I’m ok with it
I tell them in the first few messages that attraction is a big deal for me so they know early on. When I get photo I tell them sorry your not my type and wish them well.
I met someone several months ago and while the banter in the DM’s was fabulous and the flirting was there even after pic exchanges, IRL it just wasn’t. We still got on well, but there was absolutely no spark at all. He’d travelled a while (by UK standards) and I felt awful about it. When we got home to our respective places, we had an open and very nice conversation where we both admitted that it just wasn’t there for us. No animosity, no nastiness, just respectful honesty. We still chatted for a bit afterwards, but don’t any more and that’s okay. I wish him all the luck in the world because he’s absolutely lovely, we just weren’t the right people for each other.
If everyone had that spark then finding an ANR (and life) partner would be easy and we all know it’s not, but it’s the way we deal with the situation that’s the most important!
Because of the fetish nature of this site (and Reddit or Fetlife), I get why people of both sexes dont want to put their photo up for the world to see, but eventually, you need to exchange them. It’s better to be honest and explain when someone isn’t your type.
We’re all adults, we just don’t always act like it. There’s no reason that it can’t be an enjoyable conversation . . or even online friendship . . without some torrid attraction, but peoples’ expectations get in the way. Asking for a photo indicates curiosity . . which leads to hopeful expectations by the sender . . while sending a photo involves putting yourself out there, with hopes and expectations of being acceptable. Lots of self-image and ego at stake 😊
Personally, I think the classic conversation wrap-up . . “Well, it’s been nice chatting with you, and best of luck finding the right person” . . is quick, clean, polite and relatively painless. In the meantime, keep expectations in check, and just enjoy meeting interesting new people . . . and doing her puzzles 😉❤️Honesty, with kindness and without patronisation, is good.
Don’t throw away opportunities though, an “average-looking” person could be a diamond and an “attractive-looking” person could be insufferable.
I prefer to prioritise inner beauty and character over appearance and those tend not to be revealed accurately from pictures.
I think everyone deserves to be let down with a respectful but transparent reply, how the other person takes it is not on you, i think most grown ups realise that your not going to be everyones cup of tea, everybodys perception of beauty is different.
Very well said @welshie and @juicyboobies. I think, as has been said, that as long as it is said with respect, and good wishes then it is the best way. We are a small pool which makes it harder to find a match. Agree with @leftonefirst too. Seems to be some good humans here 🙂
It can be dissapointing of the physical attraction might not be there but that’s life and true in all aspects of it.
Due to the nature of kink sites, I don’t expect people to post their pictures as if it’s a “real” dating site. This site is not a closed site and certain areas can be accessed without signing in. Voila, there’s your pic next to the boobies. I also live in an area with govt contractors… they aren’t putting up pics.
I’ve found no matter how gingerly you tell someone they aren’t for you, rejection doesn’t come easy. How they receive the news is on them. I wish them well and if they are open to still chatting great but nursing is off the table. The reception is 50/50.
I don’t think there’s a nice way to let someone down when pulling back. When done online, the perceived tone is also outside of our control.
Attraction is very important. I freely share my photo and expect a prospective partner to do the same. What’s disappointing is when meeting in person and you realize their photo is not current. Luckily here we have the ability to voice and video chat while maintaining our privacy without sharing personal information.
Asking for a picture seems ok but when you chat with a lot of people.. it sort of gets scary. At the same time, people are in and out of the site very often and it gets scarier when your photo is exchanged and the person ultimately disappears. The best advice I have received is not to share a picture until one is going to meet a person in the near future..one can make exceptions if one feels comfortable and can trust the person but that takes a while to establish. That’s my 2 cents worth of advice. Video calls rarely work for the very same reason.
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