These were originally published by “Miss Heaven” on her blog – I’m sure she won’t mind me recycling them cause they were pretty funny!
Top 10 things you should definitely NOT say to your new ABF partner.
1) HE: Just remind me again – do I suck or chew?
2) SHE: Do you mind if I wind you afterwards?
3) HE: I’m actually a vegan, so technically I’m not allowed to swallow.
4) SHE: I love it when you suckle – it’s the only time I get a break from your constant talking.
5) HE: Yes I take hygiene very seriously – I take a shower every week without fail, whether I need one or not.
6) SHE: But you knew I’m an exhibitionist – I didn’t think my friends watching would bother you!
7) HE: I’m a little shy at first – is it OK if I keep my motorcycle helmet on?
8) SHE: Just so you know, in my culture suckling counts as a marriage proposal.
9) HE: OK, maybe I should have told you about my lactose intolerance before we met. Shall I open a window?
10) SHE: Well when you said you were a little overweight, I didn’t think your boobs would be bigger than MINE!