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A few thoughts.
Adult nursing occupies a complex space that doesn’t fit neatly into a single category. For some people, it is primarily a kink; for others, it is a deeply rooted part of who they are.For those who experience adult nursing as a kink, it often carries a strong sexual component. The physical act of nursing may be arousing, and the appeal may be tied to power dynamics, taboo, or the intense physical pleasure involved. In this context, adult nursing is something that happens intentionally and selectively, usually confined to sexual settings. Something explored for pleasure rather than necessity.
For others, adult nursing is not about sexual arousal at all. it functions as an identity or a core emotional need. For these individuals, nursing represents nurturing, comfort, emotional safety, and deep connection. The act of giving or receiving milk combined with the intimacy it creates increases the closeness, trust, and sense of being cared for or caring for someone else.
When adult nursing is part of someone’s identity, it cannot easily be separated from daily life or relegated to the bedroom. Regular, consistent nursing may be essential for emotional regulation, bonding, intimacy, and overall wellbeing. Without it, these people may feel disconnected, unfulfilled, or incomplete in their relationships. This is why people who view adult nursing as an identity often seek partners who are not just tolerant of it, but genuinely interested in building a relationship around it.
These differences can create misunderstandings, especially when people assume that adult nursing is always sexual, or always a kink. Someone who needs nursing as a form of nurturing may feel unseen or misunderstood when their needs are dismissed as a fetish. On the other hand, someone who approaches adult nursing primarily as a kink may not be prepared for the level of emotional commitment required by a partner for whom nursing is a core relational need. Adult nursing can be a kink, an identity, or both, depending on the person. What matters most is honesty—with oneself and with partners, about what role nursing plays, what needs it fulfills, and how central it is to one’s sense of intimacy and connection.
Hi Brian,
I wonder if its a kink when its sexual. To breastfeed a partner is a natural thing to do. To be attracted to the breasts of your partner is natural too.
Feeling aroused when nursing is also natural. Let it be. Its doesnt need the title ‘kink’.
Its about time its seen as natural and not as a kink for a group of weirdo’s, only because its not widely known or common. I think its due to a feeling of shame on everything that might get sexual, which is a cultural phenomenon, and as such it can be changed over time, that is viewed upon as being a kink.I agree with @dairydaisy 💯%.
Remember, when it comes to Kinks:
It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
Except for Lola
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola@edrester great song!! The Kinks!
Just wanted to say the ABF world should unite and not devide by saying its only real anr without sex.
Furthermore: who will be keeping track to which group you belong, if you are doing it right and according to the criteria for real anr?? Hahahaha
Abf in itself isnt kinky because there also will be people who love kinky stuff AND abf.
Just so we’re on the same page, I don’t see nursing as a kink. In my experience people automatically assume adult nursing is sexual. They don’t associate nursing with intimacy. I wanted to write something to bridge the gap between nursing being thought of as sexual and nursing being a form of intimacy. I originally posted this on Fet. Someone who has the same point of view as I do liked it, they had mentioned that it spells out the differences quite nicely. I posted it on here in hopes others who are of the same mindset to enjoy. My apologies I had no intentions of offending anyone.
I completely agree with you. In my experience when you bring up adult nursing to people who are outside of the community they automatically assume that the desire is sexual and don’t associate nursing with intimacy.
Many people who come across adult lactation and breastfeeding probably do so via pornography sites and therefore it is automatically classified in the mind of the observer as a kink within the sexual environment.
Those who come across adult breastfeeding or adult nursing through a personal relationship or expression of emotional intimacy experience (i.e. I mean not from a pornography introduction) are less likely to see it as a kink, but rather as a natural and additional expression of closeness within a companionship.
However, the community is wide and varied between these two extremes with plenty of middle-ground available. My observation is a deliberate simplification, primarily regarding routes of first introduction to adult breastfeeding; personal understandings often change with time and experience.
As always, each to their own.
As long as its a taboo, it will be regarded as a kink. People fear judgement.
We should as a collective ask not to be placed under ‘kinks’.
To little brave people standing up in public for abf/anr.
@Brian: thank you, understoodInteresting comments. I’m always surprised by the categories. People feel everything must have a label and fit into a nice box. Also, anything prior to the internet doesn’t exist because the masses are too lazy to search through paper archives or input retrospective data. ANR ABF has been around forever. In my experience,in the 70’s it was an adjunct therapy used for psychological traumatized persons, we called it ‘back to the womb’ therapy. Fetal position, cuddling, warm blankets, thumb sucking or adult pacifier and yes ABF if available. These were used to comfort the most fragile that sought the simple hiarchy if safety and security. Nothing says it better than safe in mothers arms! The other issue was breastfeeding and lactation. As a lactation coach there are prudish cultural boxes that keep things from print, thus midwives passing on secrets to women and to daughters. Problem now is mothers don’t help daughters with new baby and they’re ousted from clinic as soon as they drop their foal. The reality, we tell women to nurse sitting or laying down with babe on a cushion so they don’t drop their child during an orgasm. No wonder women care less for husband and sex after childbirth! Studies showed women are so psychologically strong that some feel nothing- not because it isn’t there but they can block it, usually from guilt! They would have called it a kink or taboo if the prudes could but babies would starve! Now there’s a discussion for the bedroom! Personally I couldn’t wait to enjoy each warm wave or toe curling event multiple times each feed. And the pump just doesn’t get it done for the business woman boobs, sorry they’re missing out! Guilt is the thing that gets me! It really isn’t addressed. Adult men feel guilty they are stealing the babies milk, or terrified to explore the most amazing erogenous zone on their partner or themselves. Men have great breasts! How many finish suckling then let her have a turn?! Guilt. Taboo. Kink. All terms for “this makes me uncomfortable” but what the hay, let’s explore! Humans are explorers. Really, it makes good sense to start with ourselves then our partner.
Interesting! I didn’t know nursing was used with adults as a form of therapy. I completely agree with you that there is way too much taboo out there in regards to breastfeeding. Why is it so wrong to receive emotional comfort in a way that is so instinctual and natural from a partner. I just think about all the marriages and relationships that could benefit if they incorporated nursing. Thanks again for sharing@ Angel
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