Safety

Interesting topic which I don’t think is specific to abf/anr. The same questions apply anytime two strangers meet and put themselves in a vulnerable position.
The problems with reviews and warnings is that you rely on trusting what’s being said is the truth and we all know that when someone is disappointed or hurt, then the truth may be amplified or distorted.

Managing and writing your expectations is a good first step and would help identifying the members who look after the same thing. But would that make me feel safer? Unfortunately no.

To be honest, there will always be some level of risk on an anonymous site. For me the more info and photos upfront means the person is more transparent.

I go a lot with my gut feelings (and I’m defo not always right) but I always ask for a photo of their face before meeting up and always meet for a coffee first.

I do think there is some kind of expectation to nurse but it’s up to everyone to communicate their expectations. For me it depends on the vibe, the connection that’s been built virtually and if it’s confirmed when meeting etc, but I always say it depends on the first meet up because you’ll never know until you actually meet the person.

But I’d be interested to hear about how everyone else manages it and I also think there might be a different approach between men and women in this topic so would be interesting to hear from their pov too.

Hi Daisy, there is a lot to respond to here. Some initial thoughts from me are:

1. Review or feedback would not be very beneficial on a site like this. That is more for dating sites where multiple short-term encounters take place. The foundation of this site for the majority seems to be based on identifying long-term relationships.

2. There is a wide range of reasons why people join here and also in what different people are looking for. Both men and women can be untruthful, that is unfortunately part of the modern internet world and won’t be eliminated with more boxes to tick. The best way of navigating this environment is open, honest and respectful communication.

3. Nobody should be scared to specify their expectations and boundaries for the first meeting. In fact, please do so clearly.

4. If you don’t feel safe then don’t meet someone. Arrange everything on your terms. A genuine partner will not object to establishing a deeper rapport.

5. Any agreement made beforehand can definitely be withdrawn during the first meeting if there is any lack of mutual resonance.

6. Use your favourite meeting place where you know the staff. Many bars or restaurants will happily provide a subtle overview service if you explain that you are meeting someone for the first time.

I’m sure there are many other points, it will be interesting to read further comments.

I will recommend this to everyone either gender.

1. Have phone conversation before you meet in person.
2. Always (No Exceptions) meet in public first before meeting in private.

If needed, could branch this off into another conversation. But the conversation around “Safety” kind of stemmed from conversation about the frustrations most often faced by women(but not exclusively) of low-effort individuals that send unwanted images, or crass comments.

That’s where the “review” conversation came from, and while I support the idea, I don’t think people are taking into consideration the increased effort that would have to be put forth by our fearless leader, Michael. Because the site is free, and you could feasibly create an infinite number of profiles. That means any review system would basically be rendered useless. Anyone with a low rating, could just start new.
I love that monetary participance is voluntary. It allows for explorers to get acquainted with the site, before deciding to contribute. I will always advocate for people to contribute if they are enjoying what they are using, but voluntary makes it less exclusive, and I feel that’s the way it should be.

It’s not the only way, but one of the best ways to keep people from endlessly creating new profiles, is to require a monetary contribution. As stated, I feel like the voluntary way is the best way to go.

So, you can see, there’s a bit of a slippery slope here. You could limit the system to “verified members only.” But that doesn’t do much for preventing unwanted contact, and obviously limiting one’s search to verified members only, would greatly reduce their “pool” of potential partners.