M4F Istanbul/Turkey (I know I wont be able to find anyone :( )

I know I wont be able to find anyone in my city
as I have never seen anyone from here in this (or other) websites

But at least I wanna try what I can do ,and leave the rest to the universe 🙂

I am a 29 y/o guy living in Istanbul

I had an anr relationship when I was 17 with a mother of my friend
Who at the time was my nurse/caregiver.
couple month before she lost her baby and husband in an accident

We were both at the toughest times of our life and was suffering from ptsd depression and panic disorders
I had developed Anorexia , and became a heavy cigarete smoker at such a young age, she also developed breast cancer and were on the early phases..
truly a dark moment of life for both of us..

Until ..
Of course breastfeeding..
the experience was so amazing and special that worth writing a book about.

The benefits that was not just physical but psychological and spiritual as well

it brought her immense joy and relief (since she had lots of milk that could not be used to feed her lost baby anymore)

which not only completely cured her breast cancer , but also healed both of us from our psychological difficulties and challenges that we were fighting with..

I was suffering from Anorexia (could not eat any food for a few month)
and was going into a dangerous phase..

and the breastmilk was the only thing that truly saved my life.
It was sweet , fully nutritious and so tempting to drink..
eventually by breastfeeding on a daily basis I could fully heal from this condition
Breast milk also calmed me down and gave me such a deep beautiful peace
and the sense of safety that completely destroyed
My PTSD and anxiety/panic problems

It helped me to form an innocent and sacred bound with a mother . and having the most beautiful experience of my life , so beautiful and powerful that completely shadowed the the sexual pleasure (although it was also amazing )
Something that it still calms me down when I recall it’s memory

She cured completely from breast cancer and I have been able to easily quite smoking (something that I failed at many times)

But the experience was short ..
After only 9 month
I have moved to another country and things slowly out of euphoria
since then , there have never been another girlfriend/woman
that I had even the 10% of what I have experienced with her
Years have passed since then , and I have obviously never been able to experience anything similar again..

Then I found this Abfheaven
and although I have to say that this is a hope to see the exitance of this community , I have to say that in my opinion the thing that is missing here is the true emotional bound and intimacy, the joy that you can experience from a nurturing / motherly experience is way bigger than the joy you have just by suckling or drinking breastmilk from a woman you don’t know
anything about (just for the sake of suckling ) ..

Breast milk is not a fast food, It’s a home cooked meal
And it’s not for everyone
so let’s keep it that way 🙂
By treating it like a fast food , you will drain it out of it’s magic and mysteriousness ,sacredness

Anyway..
I do really hope that I can meet a mother that can provide me her milk and wake up my butterflies again..

(Sorry for my English.. xd)

Love u all
Soesono