Fellas, what are some green flags for you?

She feels comfortable to volunteer information about herself, even just casual facts, without my asking a direct question.

That’s she’s interested in learning some of my hobbies (doesn’t have to be all of them). I would do the same for her. I actually picked up sewing and cross stitching this way lol. It’s always nice to have a few in common but he open minded to try new things. That she cares about the environment, animals, and others. That she has empathy.

These might seem typical but for me they’re green flags.

I think what qualifies as a green flag, for me, would definitely be no smoking and unnecessary foul language. On the subject of no smoking, aside from the multiple warnings from the FDA, the Surgeon General, the ALA, and ARC, I just don’t like the smell. But I do have sympathy for anybody who’s a recovering addict and a personal respect for anybody who’s able to stand in a group and say ‘My name is _____ and I am a recovering addict.’ A clean body can lead to a strong mind and an even stronger body.

What I consider “unnecessary foul language” would be just random cuss words just thrown into a sentence with no consideration for how other people might feel about hearing words like f**k, motherf**ker, b*llsh*t, and sh*thead; I can’t count the number of times my class mates used those terms simply because they wanted to get some attention; as if doing their school work wouldn’t get them any worthwhile attention & respect from their peers. I’m not saying that the lady has to be like an old tv/stepford wife. Let’s face it. Men do not rule the world. This is not the day and age where a woman worships the ground a man walks on, and nobody commands the other person to “Jump” with the other person going “How high” with a smile on his/her face. I was raised by 2 parents and they taught me that respect is more than a word that I can spell and that it does go both ways.

Things I look that are beyond surface compatibility in marriage that sparks the “I’ve got a keeper!” smiley face include:

-longer profile: I tend to gravitate more to people with some idea of their personality in their profile (more than 2-3 sentences). I wonder if the person even knows themselves or is willing to work on the relationship if their profile is one sentence with “ask me”.

-long distance relationship:I know this is not for everyone (I even like the convenience of nearby people). But I have been in a long distance relationship and they do work. To me this statement alone signals patience, a willingness to work on the relationship, and commitment.

-few do’s/dont’s: everyone is entitled to a list of hard requirements for their relationships (we all have them). Though, I can’t help wondering the following questions the longer the list is (even if I meet the list): are these all hard requirements? will I be able to fulfill this list in the future? Will the list grow as I progress in the relationship? Is this person “high maintenance”?, and is this person controlling?

-emotional safety: in marriage I am vulnerable as I share my deepest dreams, desires, failures, and challenges. If I see more judgement, criticism, disrespect, and the “cowboy up” mentality rather than acceptance, empathy, consideration, tolerance, encouragement, and nurturing then I do not feel safe to share my vulnerabilities with that person and will seek to create distance from the person to protect myself.