- This topic has 14 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I understand not responding to uninvited messages, especially for the women who are inundated by messages on every site they’re on.
I understand that we still live in a society where there are real safety concerns, so anyone should feel free to cut-off communication and end relationships with no obligation to the other person when necessary.
I understand that being on-line and being “veiled” or anonymous grants a certain level of power to ignore social norms.
AND
IF YOU HAVE BEEN HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE ON THIS SITE (OR ANY SITE) AND YOU SUDDENLY JUST STOP RESPONDING, FOR NO APPARENT REASON, THAT IS GHOSTING. I assert that GHOSTING is rude and cowardly. We can see that you are receiving the messages. We can see that you are reading them. A simple, “I’m not interested in you anymore” is sufficient. (I know… some people will not accept that and will seek an explanation– but you don’t owe them one.) People who are abusive or rude should be blocked.Have the norms of social interaction changed that much in our modern era? Is it now socially acceptable to GHOST people? If you were in the middle of a conversation with someone in person, would you just stop talking and walk away hoping they wouldn’t notice? (Perhaps, if they said or did something rude.)
It is hard enough to find a partner in this community. We don’t need to make it more difficult or more painful. Use your words. Be a decent person. Don’t be a Ghost.
Don’t be a ghost! Well said.
It’s not that hard to say, “I’m not interested, good luck” or “we’re not a good fit, good luck”.
I’ll add, that when a person says those things. It’s NOT polite to respond, “I think we are, why don’t you?” or “give me a chance to prove you wrong”. Respect the other persons wishes, it’s not an invitation to continue talking or argue with them, being interested in someone is a two way street. This happens to me sometimes when I’m being polite and honest. The other person wants to argue with me and tell me that I don’t know what I want. Not very nice.I agree with Water Lily. Both people have to be interested in continuing to talk.
Totally agree. It has happened to me numerous times….. even here.🤷♂️ MEH, oh well. Act like the adult, move on with negative talk about the other…
Life is too short to let the pettiness of someone get to you.😊 God love those who act human…❤If you have been in the on-line dating world for almost any length of time, you will have found that ghosting is now so common as to be the new normal. I’ve certainly been on the receiving end innumerable times, and I’ve also been guilty of ghosting as well (not proud of this).
Problem number one: Any form of rejection – even if done with careful consideration and politeness (“You are a wonderful person who deserves to find your love, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think we are a match”) – risks an abusive tirade, threats, stalking, real-world retaliation or worse. After being on the receiving end of that kind of unwarranted abuse, ghosting can feel safer than saying no, however politely.
Problem number two: People encounter changes or problems in their lives which knocks them off the on-line-dating hamster-wheel. If not due to something else in their lives, the hell-scape of misery that is on-line dating screams at people to just take a break. Connections are dropped as collateral damage. Unfair or inconsiderate? Shouldn’t they at least say “hey, I’m taking a break…”? Perhaps, but it’s not all about you, plus remember problem No. 1.
There are lots of other causes, but how should you react if you are ghosted? React out of frustration or anger towards that person, and possibly become an offender yourself in the process? Get mad at the universe for the way things are?
No, the only reasonable answer is to shrug your shoulders and move on. There’s nothing much else you can do or should do anyway. On-line ghosting is now just a routine fact of life, and simple acceptance is the only answer.
This website and many other mingling/dating sites for that matter are NOT to be taken seriously……
I have this problem regularly, where ladies I chat with just decide to stop replying with not even as much as a “goodbye message” and it does start to mentally bring you down after a while.
Michael has just introduced a new Notes feature for Verified Members that will help with keeping track of members that are not interested or ghosted you, it seems to work quite well.
When I said I am not interested I am asked 1000 reasons why. The reason is: “not your business, I am not interested, so leave me alone.” Can’t it be just that?
If not, Blocking is my best feature and I use it a lot to those that I think are creepy.
~the end~
Btw, if a man stops talking it is all good, but a woman must explain herself. Like, why?
My life is simple, I have learned to be more selective and I enjoy the blocking feature, lol.Basically, I agree with Divad Narr but the other side of coin is that some important information can be get by being ghosted. Therefore, I’m not angry with ladies at all “giving such an answer”. I feel just the opposite: gratitude.
Please, look at one of my typical cases. Last year I sent the following message to a lady and that was the single message we have exchanged so far:
„Dear XXX,Unfortunately, time flies while you are looking for your ANR partners. I hope that the new year brings in new opportunities and you will be able to find your ANR partner.
Happy New Year to you!
József”
I haven’t got any answer so far and in addition, I have been blocked.
Earlier I read her profile and she wrote the following: “Treat your potential partners with the same respect you would give to any woman.” So respect means a lot to her, at least in writing.HER PROFILE WORDS AND ACTIONS DESCRIBE HER CHARACTER and, therefore, I’m very grateful to her for getting to know her on some important questions.
So, the question is whether is it worth making contact such a woman? Well, even if the lady was the most beautiful in the world, I wouldn’t choose her as an ABF partner and with this selection I can concentrate on other profiles better.
You are right, Kat. What I wrote in my comment (November 1, 2022 at 7:50 pm) refers to not only women but also men.
Pelsu,
Well, the woman most likely could have been full of messages and only picked few to respond. It happens to me that some days I have so much messages I would have to keep replying all night. I have NO time for this. If the messages were more on continuing conversation, like you could have an active say by replying on something interesting, that will be something I would choose to reply to.
I skip messages with just barely any content, because I have no time, nor the energy to figure there is a potential of meeting. I also will put away most messages that are from non-local folks (despite your gender), unless this is a friend. I will reply to a friend Firsthand, then who ever is local. If it makes sense.
People that ghosted me months ago and then write back, I usually chose to ghost them back or simply block to avoid the confusion. Selection at its best. Lol…
Dwelling on why or when people ghost is is pointless! It’s best to focus on those that don’t ghost us,lol!
We are better off if we can move on and enjoy connections with those folks we really like to talk to.
Cheers!
Hi Kat. First of all, thank you very much for your answer.
You know, on other site, a couple of weeks ago, I raised a topic, and I was inundated by messages. But I was able to answer all the questions without hurting anybody although I got cold and warm. And I find it important to respect people, therefore, I haven’t used any hurting words. Some members wrote me back and congratulated on it. But just some. And I would like to note that it is easy for me to copy and send the sentence of “I’m not interested in you anymore” even 1000 times.
From scientific point of view (I’m interested in telecoms and I have led some international working groups), sadly, I think the opposite of what you wrote: “Dwelling on why or when people ghost is is pointless!” The reason is that knowing the whys gives a solution to a problem, and in this way steps can be taken to progress or remedy the situation.
As to your last paragraph, I quite agree with you in that it’s better to move on. But regarding the last part of your last paragraph, there is a BUT. E.g. on this site, a person could enjoy connections with those folks they really like to talk to but those folks ghost them.
Please, don’t take me wrong. You can have faith that you do the right thing. I’m not the person who can judge you or anybody. It was just an opinion among millions.
Regards,
When people are rude to me, constantly asking for my phone number/other platforms when I’ve already politely declined sharing that info, don’t bring anything positive or productive to the conversation, accuse me of being a scammer when THEY wrote me and barely said more than ‘hey’, are only asking for more pics or for me to describe fantasies to them, or if they ask me something that is already in my profile, I usually give them two or three messages to turn things around. Sometimes I say farewell and good luck, sometimes I don’t think pushy/rude people deserve any more of my time. I think if you’re getting ghosted by multiple people, you may need to work on your approach and/or take the time to read and acknowledge the boundaries people have set on their page or with you specifically. It’s okay to let it roll off your shoulders and not be bothered by not connecting with one of the hundreds of people on here.
Hi Milky Wildflower,
Thank you for your valuable comments. I hope that a lot of men will read them.
I have to tell you that there is a lot of truth in what you are writing and, in addition, you give men on here two or three messages to turn things around. I think this is an absolute positive attitude, thank you very much for it.
Also, you are right in saying that “if you’re getting ghosted by multiple people, you may need to work on your approach and/or take the time to read and acknowledge the boundaries people have set on their page or with you specifically”.
Yet, when somebody is ghosted for wishing a new year, it’s thought-provoking and partially describes the person ghosting.
Regards,
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.