Useful ANR/ABF filters

There are core fundamentals all ANR searchers are forced to negotiate, but they often do not exist as filter options on ANR sites derived from boilerplate (vanilla) dating engines.

These fundamentals are common to every gender and personality type seeking an ANR, whether it’s M4W or W4W. None of what follows is meant to imply a “correct way” to have an ANR. Rather, it’s meant to inform community newbies and combat the fatigue and frustration of running into a dichotomously opposed ANR seeker.

If the following 4 choices were made into options on everyone’s profile, it might mitigate a lot of drama.

1. Sexual or Platonic/Non-Sexual breastfeeding.

These 2 camps have existed for years, they will persist for years to come, and they don’t cross-date. These are mutually exclusive camps: if you become aroused while breastfeeding, you should choose Sexual. Otherwise, choose Platonic. There is no “right” answer. If you become aroused while nursing, you’re in the sexual camp. Otherwise, you’re in the non-sexual/platonic camp. It should be known and accepted that these 2 camps exist. Hapless newbies should be put on the rails of choosing one or the other, as both search categorization, and as an orientation, revealing these are the emergent standards around which the community has self-organized.

2. Polyamoroy or Monogamy

These 2 camps have existed for years, they will persist for years to come, and there is a pretty distinct boundary between them. If your “wife/hubby” isn’t into this and you’re searching on the side, if you want tandem nursing, or if you want more than 1 partner, choose Polyamory. Otherwise, choose Monogamy. There is no “right” answer; be honest with yuorself, for your own benefit of finding your most appropriate match.

3:
On the Street: Dominant or submissive
In the Sheets: Dominant or submissive or switch

These options are missing from vanilla dating, let alone ANR/ABF dating. Our inherited Xtain Boomer culture dismisses D/s as BDSM, but the modern observer knows better; D/s underwrites the most vanilla of vanilla relationships. It’s a massive compadibilty point, if not the biggest one of them all. There is no “right” answer, you simply have to know who you are, and be honest. There is a lot of confusing D/s ambiguity in the ANR space.

This one needn’t be mutually exlcusive, it’s 1 or both:

4. Lactation: Wet/Induce and/or Dry Only

This is another fragmentation point in the community, one that has existed for years and will persist for years to come, and there is there is no “right” answer.

Since so few bother writing about themselves in profiles beyond wanting to suck tits or have their sucked, most if not all of the above must be negotiated with someone, guessed at, or navigated blindly in complete ignorance. Time, and time, and time again. Mis-matches and naivete on the above points often lead to petty ego confrontations and insulting rejection scenarios, wherein each party falsely believes they are in possession of the “true” definiton of ANR. In fact, no one is. ANR is just as diverse as anything else.

As more people join the community, the haystack hiding your needle grows in both size and diversity, and without these filters, digging becomes increasingly fruitless, tiresome, frustrating and hopeless. Thrown into a chaotic bucket labeled “adult breastfeeding,” you’re expected to find success now that you’re with your “community.” However, the community itself is largely not self-aware, and does not openly acknowledge it’s own balkanization. I would suggest the most persistent and common camps be made searchable to both organize the landscape, formalize the definition of these camps within the ANR hive-mind, and improve everyone’s chances while mitigating the more blatant mis-match scenarios.

The assumption that 2 people are going to get along simply because they are both into ANR is simply naive, it’s foolish to believe that. Two definitions of ANR can be easily dichotomously opposed to one other. These differences should be surfaced for both utility in search, and to help put newbies on rails that better inform them towards the reality of what they’re signing up for.