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Do you men or women ever get absolutely intimidated by good looks and fit bodies or feel like you are punching above your weight.
I know personally I would never message a man first here. This is either because I think they wouldn’t be interested in me or because they’re out of my league and partly because I’d feel even worse about myself and my plus size body next to them. I know it can appear as lack of self esteem or self confidence yes in normal everyday life I’m very confident.
I also can never believe when a fit or good looking man tells me he loves bigger women, that feels like a lie to me, almost like they will say anything to get layed.
I’ve turned interest down from people I’ve thought are really hot on here and other places because I can’t think why on Earth they’d be interested in me.
Is this just a me thing or do others feel the same.
Have you turned someone down for similar reasons.
It’s not just you. A lot of us have self esteem and body confidence issues. And I think that would explain why you usually see couples with similar body types. But you shouldn’t distrust guys who say they like plus sized ladies. We are out there and it’s not about preying on someone’s perceived insecurities.
JB, I was right there with you. I must say though, stumbling upon ANR/abf has helped me tremendously. The men I have been with have been wonderful and have seemed to enjoy suckling without making me feel uncomfortable about my body. If they did have a problem with it, they never outwardly showed it. I’ve actually gained confidence knowing I’ve got something to offer that some men really appreciate.
And I agree, I feel like men who say they love bigger women are lying.Jim- I love your last sentence. Good to know.
The most attractive part of a person is their personality and who they are.
I think you shouldn’t worry about if you will be attractive / unattractive to them. Just be yourself and if that’s not good enough for them then they’re not good enough for you. That’s how I look at it.
I certainly understand your thoughts. It is easy to feel that way in our current society which seems more vain than ever before with selfies and videos a constant thing. But I’ve had some pretty magical experiences on both sides of the spectrum. A really, really beautiful lady was amazing to me and we had a fantastic bond. The same with a lady who might have thought I was out of her league. I didn’t care about that, it was about her sharing the experience with me and how great that was. Both relationships went on a decent amount of time but distance proved to be the issue. Also, keep in mind that people’s preferences change. I was not into bigger ladies years ago but have really come to appreciate ladies with curves all over. Wish I was in Ireland, to show you that you look great!
When I was single, many years ago, I felt like I had to stay within my league. After a while I realized that people like what they like. Men punch over their weight on a regular basis. You see fat, balding, little guys with beautiful women all the time. The best thing you can do for your appearance is to smile! Have confidence. If you believe you are sexy, then you ARE!
No, I completely understand what you’re saying and feel the same. We live in a world where skinny/fit/petite is the desired, praised, and the “standard” and any body that deviates from that is shamed. It’s ingrained into our brains everywhere.
I do give the side-eye of suspicion when a “fit” guy displays interest in me, but that has subsided a lot in the last year and a half as I explore my kinks and sexuality. Those insecurities creep back up every once in a while, but I just have to remind myself that this body, no matter what size it is, has gotten me this far and I deserve to be loved by ME first and foremost. That has taken time for me to realize all on my own. I know my worth and what I can offer. I vet men as well as I can and trust my instincts if they’re sincere or not.
Anyway, my boyfriend is a body builder, legit does competitions (and wins lol) and yeah. I’m about an inch taller than him and weigh more. I was intimidated by his level of fitness and even though he is muscular, self-consciousness that my body is taller and larger than his, he still makes me feel beautiful, feminine, sexy, and desired.
There are a lot of men who are genuinely attracted to women with bigger, fluffier, curvier bodies. Many even prefer us over smaller women. I think the important thing to remember is that you have plenty to offer to a partner regardless of the size of your body.
Men who want to be with you and are genuine, will make it loud and clear that they are actually attracted to you. 🙂
Great question.
Your posting shows me that you think about topics like this, have the confidence to share, possess a genuine interest in how others might feel, and are open to listening to different experiences. Do you know how valuable that is? Self awareness, empathy and kindness?
I don’t find myself focusing too much on any feeling I might have of being intimidated by someone’s good looks or body type.
It does happen, but it’s not something that needs to define me or shape my actions, or my thoughts of others.To have doubts, is natural. Go get what you desire!
The way I look at it, in order to be intimidated, I’d have to know the operation of that person’s mind, how they view me, which I can’t possibly know without getting to know them. The thought can be unnerving. But, to continually make an assumption that someone wouldn’t be attracted to me because of my looks, would be both exhausting, and not particularly reliable.
If something doesn’t feel right, or someone isn’t able to treat me with the respect I deserve, I move on. They’re no friend, and I wish them the best.
As a data point, as a “fit” male, I can say honestly that plus size, bigger women are gorgeous.
Why on Earth would they be interested in you? Because you’re a hot, confident, intelligent and thoughtful.
A bonnie Irish lass, on all counts.Perhaps they’re punching above they’re weight.
One of the wonderful things about humanity is that, no matter who you are or what you look like, there is someone out there who will love the way you look.
Conventional attractiveness is fine, and many would like you for that, but do you think you are too skinny or too heavy? Too tall or too short? Too pale or too dark? Your nose is too big or your knees are too knobby? Whatever it is you feel insecure about, it doesn’t matter: Someone will nevertheless think you are the most attractive person ever, sometimes exactly because of those attributes you are insecure about. The only challenge is connecting with that person.
And think your breasts are too little or too big or too saggy or too pointy or, heaven-forbid, too milky? Not to worry, someone will DEFINITELY love them! Lol.
It’s really true, so just be you and be proud.
I completely understand your perspective and where you’re coming from! I have lost 100 lb. When I was heavier men showed no interest in me whatsoever or the few who did didn’t show very much interest for me to actually realize they were looking my direction. I lost weight through Weight Watchers and exercising and I’m so proud of my accomplishments! Men now look at me and it makes me completely question everything because I’m the same exact person as I was in a heavier body. I’m the same person with the same exact personality… in fact I’m more shy now than I was when I was heavier because before I didn’t really think anybody was looking my direction, so I didn’t actually care if they were looking. Now that I’m smaller and I do get men’s attention I’m more conscientious of what I say and how I look and what I’m wearing etc. What I do not understand is why I’m treated so differently now than I was before when I’m the same person! My outer shell is just different. I’m so glad I was able to find ANR because it’s given me a different perspective towards my body and what it can do. ANR is magical and I’m appreciative of all the friends I found in this community. ❤️
Just relating a semi-funny story or two about my own insecurities in the past:
I remember an incident when I was in High School: I was at a hospital, where a few of us were being given a tour as part of a school program. I was surrounded by attractive nurses who were completely out of my league, and I felt overwhelmed by shyness.
My back was turned as one young nurse came into the room and cheerfully said “hey gorgeous!” Stunned, I turned around to face her, whereupon she immediately, very loudly, and very scornfully said “NOT YOU!!!” I can laugh about it now, of course, but wow, that stung!
Another time, in college, I was having lunch in the cafeteria, and secretly noted two attractive girls sitting at a nearby table. One glanced over at me and said to the other “see that guy? Isn’t he gorgeous?”
My heart zoomed up into my throat. Could it be true that someone liked the way I looked? Could I dare look at her and maybe say something?
Well, the other girl looked over at me then, and noted my hair, which at the time was in long, flowing, wavy locks, said loudly “Ha! He looks like he has a cat on his head!”
Needless to say, that was that, and my heart sank straight back down and formed a puddle on the floor.
Insecurity sucks, and not in a good way. 😉
This is such a great forum post, thanks y’all for making my day more positive.
I’m self conscious so I am like they won’t message me and I’ve been hurt a lot so it sucks I don’t seem to find the right people
yes in normal everyday life I’m very confident.
You’re experiencing the FUD of leaving your comfort zone (“normal everyday life” is your comfort zone). The comfort zone is infamous for never being stepped out of, and for this reason: FUD abounds beyond the safe, familiar, predictible, boring walls of your comfort zone.
Sure, the “hot guys” might be lying. Surely, some are. This is the Planet of the Apes, after all. But if even just one of them was sincere, boy oh boy did you sure miss out! Thanks, comfort zone! You’re the best pal… never!The feeling you’re describing is what I call “brain weasels.” Brain weasels are the greasy, nasty, hurtful little vermin that live in your head and LIE TO YOU and tell you that you’re unworthy of someone’s–ANYONE’S– attention.
That’s CRAP!
You are a wonderful, fantastic person. People with being around will make you feel supported. People on niche websites like this are even more likely to be friendly because we all already have something powerful and intimate in common.
It’s scary allowing yourself to be open and Vineland to strangers, but I promise you you are strong enough and fantastic enough that anybody here to whom you reach out will reach out to you, too. I wish you all the luck in the world.
And F@#$ those G@$ Da$#@d brain weasels!!
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