Hi, Inksea, what a post, thank you for sharing!!
I dont think its up to us to have an opinion on what you wrote. And you write very well, I enjoyed reading it, in spite of a very serious topic.
What hit me the most was your feeling of loneliness and hurt and having no one to talk to. Happy you are on this site, because I hope you will notice that can be changed! And dont gove up: in the reactions above we read enough examples of people finding love outside their marriage. Just be open about your situation early on and dont give up. You seem to know very well what you want and thats good.
Love, Daisy